The mirror: It's about you, not them.
2009-07-07
If you see a gorgeous painting that fascinates you, does it matter if you find out the artist hasn't paid her taxes? Would you stop enjoying the painting?
If someone shows you a great way to memorize names, does it matter if you find out that person is an alcoholic? Would you no longer trust their memorization techniques?
From 1967 to 1976, James Brown made the best funk music ever heard. (You owe it to yourself to get In the Jungle Groove if you haven't.) He was my biggest musical influence. I'm such a huge fan, I named my band after him. But when working at Warner/Chappell Music in the early 90s, they told me he was coming to the office, I went home early to avoid meeting him. I didn't want the complete flawed man to taint that flawless music that changed my life.
When I bought the book “Getting Things Done”, it had the author's picture on it, so I ripped the cover off. I don't care who David Allen is. This book is about me getting things done, not him and his stupid face.
Maybe both seem silly, but it was important to me to always remember that what matters is what I get out of their work, not the person that made it.
After I interviewed Tim Ferriss, some people said, “But he comes across too cocky.”
After I interviewed Amber Rubarth, some people said, “But she's only successful because she's so pretty.”
After I interviewed Tom Williams, some people said, “But there's some controversy about his new company.”
I hear that as, “Now that I've proven they're not perfect, I don't have to apply any of the lessons from their story.”
But that's missing the point that those articles are really about you, not them.
You would benefit from micro-testing the effectiveness of your actions, or interning to understand your gatekeeper, or persisting every day for a year and a half, no matter who was sharing those lessons.
All that really matters is what you do with the ideas there. Apply them to your own life in your own way.
It was never about them. It's about you.
VERY timely post my friend and you are dead on. Meeting heroes is always a weird thing. I really like your level headed approach to it all.
Great post-- found it on Twitter. And today this post is particularly significant because it's the day several of us are celebrating the life of MJ. He shared and taught a lot about love and tolerance. It's unfortunate that some people choose to throw away the good he tried to teach because they assume certain things about him.
I agree. When one puts as much time in on his music as say, Michael Jackson, one has to neglect other things. This leads to very lopsided personalities. We can appreciate the good things people have to offer and overlook their flaws. Trying to find the hero's clay feet is about making excuses for one's own inadequacies.
Clay feet? I like that! Never heard that before. -- Derek
I think this is a great way to go about life. Being unfettered by one's own personal judgments allows for the ultimate benefit from human contribution & its application. It's really God's business to sort out the rest.
Great advice. It reminded me of when I had backstage passes for the first time (many moons ago). At first I was jacked up but after chatting with them, I thought, these guys really aren't that special - to put it nicely. Although I still dig their tunes, I couldn't believe I thought so highly of them. I forgot why I was even nervously excited about meeting these people. To this day I consider it a great lesson and confirmation of something my dad always told me, "they take a s**t the same way you do."
Totally agree, Derek. Same with my feed reader - helps me to focus on the content, not the presentation or the source - pure thought to reflect upon.
Hi Derek, Thanks for all you do in reminding us all of truths and encouraging people to follow their dreams, and the practical side to making things happen.
Jason
I am so very glad you made this point.
As an extension of this, I think if more artists understood that it's not about them and rather about others who are kind enough to care, maybe there would be less ego, less insecurity and much, much more art in the world.
xxx
Hi Derek! Timely and oh so very true. My minister always talks about weeding our own garden. We sometimes get so very distracted trying to fix another, when the work really starts at home. Change your attitude, change your reality. Peace on earth begins with peace in the family. How do you get along with those close to you? Do you treat the ones you love with consideration and respect, or take them for granted? It all begins when we wake up in the morning and take that first look into the mirror of our own life. Indeed. And blessings to MJ for a song that is eternal.
Counterpoint: a person should be humble enough to know that they have biases and weaknesses, and that they can be led astray. If you suspect someone of being a charlatan, it can be better not to pay attention to their work, because a person who is actively trying to deceive you needs only that to exploit you.
Derek, that may be the best piece of advice that has ever come across a computer screen. Seriously! Even look past through history - like people like Churchill, Ghandi, Newton, Aristotle, DaVinci, etc. didn't have their own enormous flaws.
People want to be cynical and find a flaw in anything great so that they don't have to take a look at their own s*@t. And it makes for a handy excuse as to why they can't seem to do anything or get anywhere.
Of course, I'm really just talking to myself in this regard. Great post, man!
Just wanted to say what a great point. Thank you. It makes sense to me, but never heard it actually put so well. We are only responsible for our own story, and what we do with what we have, than get wrapped up in what's right or wrong with how someone else is living their life. If we can use or be inspired by what someone else has done or created, that is a good thing!
That's how I personnaly define eclectism in music : Doesnt matter who made it, if it kicks ass.
Wow, I just read Tim Ferriss interview and he did not seem cocky at all !
OOo, nice post DS! it's the cup-half-full thing isn't it. Some people, no matter how much they have (in this case knowledge) will self-sabotage because they get distracted by the empty half of the cup. If you have been blessed with retaining what you need, don't shoot the messenger.
When you eventually get to Australia...look me up!
Thanks again DS for the food for thought
Derek, that post hit on so many of the things I think about and it said them so eloquently, especially the line "I hear that as, 'Now that I’ve proven they’re not perfect, I don’t have to apply any of the lessons from their story.'" So very, very true. I've always felt that what I get out of somebody's work is mine, and nobody, not even the artist themselves, has the right to take that away from me. I could care less about how they conduct themselves...as long as I'm not spending time with them personally, that has no impact on my life.
As a young entrepreneur just starting out in the media world, I find your story and your advice incredibly helpful and inspiring. Thank you for this blog! I'd say I'd like to meet you someday, but given your advice on how you handled the James Brown incident, perhaps I'll just leave it at thanks, heh.
Very timely in that Michael Jackson just died and so many have mixed feelings about his personal life, though no one doubts his musical gifts, talents, and message of love, peace, and tolerance. It really is about us and not about anything else but our interpretation of, and reaction to, our environment.
Nice post. I've been guilty of this myself in the past. And in the spirit of full-disclosure about some of the things you, yourself have said. My opinion of you based solely on hearsay tainted what you were actually saying. Shame on me. Others have been Seth Godin, Gladwell, Mark Cuban to name a few. Funny thing is I missed a lot of great advice along the way being pig-headed. I'm working on changing that. Thanks again for the info.
OK, I am going to check out in the Jungle Groove. Thanks for the reccomendation.
PS
You are right.
It's ALL ABOUT ME!
ME, ME, ME, MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
......And the sooner everyone realizes this, the happier we will all be!
(sigh)
Glad I got that off my chest.
I never want to meet you Derek...
If this is a tentative confession, you'd still be fasinating and you'd probably get as many high fives as dirty looks. Tax evasion isn't murder with malice aforethought.
Beauty has often been viewed as deceptive or confusing.
If knowledge can only enhance our appreciation of something and if we respond to art with all 5 senses and then reflect, we should then, as you say, select what we like and disregard the rest. Should. But I would feel a tinge of regret every time I wiewed a painting that fascinates me if I knew the artist had a tragic flaw that detroyed his life; respect if he struggled with his demons; and real sadness if he had appeased them remorselessly.
I'd have trouble using a technique that was peculiar to an artist who had murdered 50 people. One in a passion? Maybe, depending on how much I really admired that technique.
Gen
Nice!You published your notes on the book!
the mirror aspect is useful
and many guides attempt to reflect stuff back to you that is useful for those other than you...
that is
mirrors can get us very self-obsessed and selfish...
but a mirror to the social body
now that's interesting...
and also:
don't dismiss the person who produced whatever it is
since they managed to integrate their experience
and provide something of service to you
by throwing away the source
you are throwing away wisdom
mark my words
you will be disposed of as you get older
based on what you have presented here
(and yes
i am talking about my own experience too!)
I recently saw Frank Black come to town and perform with his new band, Grand Duchy. After the show he and his wife sat down outside the venue and were the coolest - taking pictures with fans, signing autographs, etc.
I just sat back, smiled and watched. My girlfriend could not understand why I couldn't just go up and shake his hand, get a picture, etc. She figured it was just my shyness, etc, which is partially true. But in my mind, what do you say to the lead singer of the Pixies, whose music shaped so much of my young adult life? How do you say thank you for the range of emotions and thoughts he helped generate and inspire in me? I thanked him by attending and applauding his show, whistling and yelling for an encore. But I couldn't bring myself to meet him. I know him so well already through the music - and that's all I really need.
This is in the same spirit of Jordan Anderson's comment. Here is what I wrote:
Your post about the mirror also gets to another perhaps more theoretical topic I've been mulling which alluded to in Elizabeth Gilbert's TED talk and that is the ownership of the an artistic work. I don't mean the IP holder. I mean that I sort of think that, in a spiritual sense or in an artistic sense, that once the work is created it belongs to the world rather than to the creator. Put another way, James Brown's music has to do with James Brown but not at its essence. At its essence it is a different thing entirely and, appropriately, belongs to you as much as him.
Great post Derek, a lot of the times it seems as though you are word everything I feel but can't quite explain. Very cohesive piece and I'm slowly getting into the habit of doing that outside of my music.
It's also the same with marriage. So many people believe that we have a better half out there, but I don't believe that. I strongly believe that you can not be happy with someone else until you learn to be content within yourself. The other "half" should only bring out and highlight the best qualities about you and vice versa.
Still trying to absorb your message, although experiencing pain vicariously via that cover-ripping passage. I will note, with a little curiosity, that you still maintain a somewhat lengthy "About Me" on this blog. Are we supposed to care? Gently posited in the spirit
Agree with many of the words and thoughts.
For me, what seems to be the most important is living in the experience offered by the person/persons (whether writing, visual, sound, emotional)
I'm not worried how James Brown acted off-stage, or what Michael Jackson did at home. They've both given gifts that last a lifetime - gifts to billions of people.
I tend to look at what is enduring, not to look at and find what needs criticism.
Very few people know about my personal life, too. And maybe only a few have heard my music... That's OK, creating and giving is also living in the experience.
Jim
Nicely written, Derek. Learning about the life of an artist can be quite eye opening.
But I do disagree with what you wrote, in some respect. I think this is excellent advice for those without patience and without self control and who are not happy with their own artistic output.
Only recently have I gained patience, knowing that it takes a LONG time for me to come out with an end product that I am happy with. It is the process that is so appealing to me. It is the daily enjoyment I get from creating.
Ripping the cover off of a book is something of a band-aid for not accepting the truth and where it comes from. For me, to truly have a grasp on magic, you must learn and accept what's behind the curtain.
Plainly put, I enjoy learning that my heroes have flaws. Yes it has tainted their art, but it has built more confidence in my own.
Right on, Derek! Excellent, excellent point. Thanks for writing this.
BTW, I believe "clay feet" is at least partially a biblical reference from the book of Daniel. Daniel had a vision of an immensely huge statue with clay feet (mixed with iron, if I recall correctly), and a large rock smashed the feet, causing the collapse of the whole statue.
It's a very useful metaphor in this subject and kudos to the commenter who used it.
Most of the very successful people I know are failures in one or more other aspects of their lives. People are human, not the "superhuman" caricatures we often make them out to be, when we have to fill in the blanks ourselves.
Wouldn't it be wonderful...to live in a perfect world...where everyone only focused on the good?
Ain't gonna happen.
Regardless of how many self help books you read, names you remember, or how badly you would like to change human nature, we will always be an imperfect social animal.
Keep it coming Bro!
Good read and an interesting take on how you relate to the world. I like the philosophy! You've made me take a good hard look at myself and how my beliefs are structured as well as how I want to fit into this life as "Me". I have to say "an excellent read!".
Gotta comment on this Derek, of course Miss Amber Rubarth is beautiful. And not to sound weird, but Amber knows what a mom I am, so she wouldn't mind me saying this. Amber has a beautiful and gentle spirit that just pours out of her. You can't help but want to sit on the edge of your seat to listen to her...with her quirky and adorable voice and lyrics. Physical beauty is a dime-a-dozen truth in NYC and other music centers, but having drive, ambition, and something that totally sets you apart, is what is going to make someone successful.
As I have mentioned in an earlier post, it is because of Amber that I wanted to get into this business--genuineness at it's best!
Thank you Derek for all you do for us in the music business. Your common sense wisdom is inspiring and thought-provoking. I met you at Folk Alliance last February, and found you to be as genuinely interested in others as you come across in your blogs. Keep up your awesome work.
Oh, yes, it is at times hard to take a look at our own lives and our businesses and really focus on how we can make them better. But reading about how others have succeeded or failed, helps in learning what works and what doesn't.
Reminds me of some years back when I went to hear Shawn Colvin. I admired her work. My date was invited somehow to go backstage and meet her. I didn't go. Partly because I couldn't imagine why she'd care to meet me, and partly because on stage she seemed a little crazy. I still admire her work and I still don't care to know anything about her personally. If someone offered to introduce me to Bob Dylan, I'd probably feel the same way, only more so.
In regard to the "social mirror" referenced in one reply, I have said this before and will repeat it here:
"Be careful not to define yourself according to the social mirror... it came from a funhouse."
Oh and Carlis, he's really cool, so no worries about meeting him.
;)
- Noel
This blog title reminds me of Michael Jacksons 'Man In the Mirror', which has sold amazingly the last week. I like the story about ripping off the cover picture of the author because 'Getting Things Done' was about you not him. Rock on!
Thanks for the post Derek. I find myself critical of "success" stories too often. I don't think it's because I am trying to find reasons to ignore the advice. I think it's the logical nature of my brain. For instance, yes, Tom Williams persisted and showed a unique desire to climb quickly into business. Yet I look at his issues with failed relationships and troubled business dealings and wonder, in the long-run, did it get him where he really wanted to be? Would it have been better if he were not in such a hurry to grow up? Would he have been better off taking his time to learn the ropes at a pace and age that seem to have proven to be a natural approach over time? It just seems natural to wonder.
The challenge I'll take on myself is to not let the wondering about those questions obscure the lessons to be learned and the examples of changes I can make in my life.
So true and we all have an opportunity to be both things on Facebook. Be ourselves on our Profile page, and provide things people can use, on our fan page, probably our "career" page. Turning this around, for some folks it can be hard learning that our fans/clients/customers are very different to our friends, especially when many of our friends "buy" elsewhere.
Just some random thoughts after reading this-The saying "Be yourself" should really be, "Be your best self". Possibly followed by "...all the time or as much as possible."
To love the music of James Brown, you could be appreciating the best of him, but maybe seeing another side would make it even more beautiful.
I understand the "getting the most out of it for me" perspective, and think things get 'gossipy' when we don't appreciate somebody's hardships or challenges as much as their obvious accomplishments. Overcoming hardship is after all an accomplishment.
Viva James Brown!
Exactly: If they are a screw-up...Why should I follow their advice on anything?
That mindset has kept me out of a lot of trouble...ha-ha. Hmm...Maybe it's time to give a little. (?)
Still...a screw-up is a screw-up. A fool is a fool. Who is the greater fool? The fool...or the fool who follows his advice?
Not calling anyone specifically a fool. Just saying that you do actually have to have some caution when considering anyone's advice...on anything...these days.
Hmmm. Can't say I entirely agree with this philosphy. We are all flawed. Part of what makes the art so great is because of the flaws.
I think of someone like Judy Garland. It was because of her flaws that her art was so rich and vulnerable and real. and people were able to connect with her, and be moved. Her music would not be the same without them ( flaws and all)
Sometimes it's just not about me.
Everyone contributes whatever they can,and it is what it is, and we should just appreciate what they do.
Never mind that someone else may be able to do it, better, or worse.
It still is what that person can do, and they try as hard as what they call the great, so they deserve to be treated kindly, and helped to become better, if that is what they want.
I think we are always trying to compare to much, instead of just appreciating something for what it is.
This sounds a bit like the "Well Hitler was a good peacetime leader" schtick that some people like to parade about (most recently by Bernie Ecclestone).
It's a nice way to stay objective when considering opinions, but you have to ask yourself whether giving kudos or recognition to people who ultimately go on to be evil, lie, or otherwise engage in unethical behavior, is worth it just for the few good things they've done or said in the past.
We can learn from the good things bad people have said, but should we give them kudos for it? I'm personally on the "No" side but there's no shame in sitting either side of the fence.
I suppose being critical of others is something that no matter how I try to avoid being that way. some how I always find myself slipping toward it. When I really start being honest about my feelings it all seems to point to my jealousy. Quite frequently I find myself asking the LORD to have mercy on me.
Michael Autry
Funny but whenever I find out a person's flaws, it always makes me think that if they can do it, then I can. I'm no more or less flawed than anybody else... probably.
And where does evil genius fit into this picture (for Peter Cooper)? One might also ask where does righteous genius fit into the picture? Is it wrong to even ask the question?
Someone above said that "it wasn't murder".
Is there, then, a line that can be crossed where the person's actions negate their gift? Where the actions make it so uncomfortable for the receiver that the message is rendered moot?
Frank Rosolino will always be remembered as one of the greatest and most talented jazz trombonists of all time. He will also be remembered for shooting one of his two sons dead and critically wounding the other before turning the gun on himself.
In this case it *was* murder.
Many people stopped listening to Frank's music after that and challenged those who still did by asking "how can you listen to the music of a murderer?".
There is no doubt Frank's was a tortured soul nor can I fathom what horrible place he was in that night. I most certainly don't condone his actions but I also believe he was not the one "at the wheel" when he did what he did.
I believe there is a direct link between heart and horn that bypasses all cognitive process. What we heard emanating from Frank's trombone was ebullient and unbridled joy and a far truer reflection of the person.
Why do I believe in that connection?
Carl Fontana was, is, and will always be one of the artists I hold in the highest esteem. As he sank further into Alzheimer's he still played jazz every Sunday. He'd be propped up on a chair and someone would hand him his trombone. The music flowed as if it never stopped or he had ever lost a beat. Whatever was misfiring in his cognitive abilities was not interfering with the heart to horn expressway. It was a direct link to the man's mellifluous being.
I continue to listen to, appreciate, and be inspired by the echos and music of an Alzheimer's sufferer and of a murderer.
There is far too little beauty (and far too many naysayers) in this world to discard it for all the wrong reasons.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, tell me if it's about them or me. Good post, Derek, although I find it so paradoxal with the advices of making any approach as human as possible with, for instance, a picture (like on your site). Life is rather paradoxal anyway. Thank you for those always inspiring posts.
Did you pay the artist? If the artist is James Brown, he then uses that money to get out of prison after beating his wife. Your money helped get him out of jail, and made him free to beat his wife again. I won't buy the music of someone who beats his wife.
This is about money, and the money you pay an artist often goes towards causes they believe in. Would I buy a Ted Nugent album? Not even if he was good.
You can spin it any way you want to feel good about yourself, but the second you buy a piece of art, you are standing behind that artist and agreeing with what they say.
When I was 12 years old I worshipped one of the greatest rock and roll guitarists of all time and saved up all my pocket to go and see this great hero of mine. Being in awe of this musician, I decided to go to the venue as early as I can so I could meet my hero. I waited for hours at the back door of the venue and finally my hero appeared surrouned by an entourage of people. Having bought all of his LP's, I expected to be treated special so I ran up to him only to be brushed aside like a piece of toilet paper. I was so devastated I could not even see his show that day and went back home completely dejected.
From that day onwards I learnt the great lesson you are talking about, that it is not the person one should worship but what the person has produced which attracted one to the person in the first instance regardless of the character of the person.
The second lesson I learnt since that day is: I have never worshipped another HUMAN BEING.
Nice approach.
Great Post.
Same applies to voting:
the results give us more information about the voters than what they are voting for...
"what matters is what I get out of their work, not the person that made it."
"It was never about them. It's about you."
i like that..
it makes sense.. no one is perfect, and its easy to judge and disregard words of wisdom,
no one truly knows a person, and if you judge its a reflection of yourself, through your eyes, but if you listen it can expand your perspective.
Thank you Derek!
I really share you your vision and experince. Many times I though of writing an article about writers photos displayed on the back cover of their book. I was scared to be informed one day that the publisher is thinking of displaying my photo on one of my books. I always prefer a saying or a short sentence insted.
It is always about us.. not them. The writers write and we choose the meanings.
Have a nice reading!
When I made my first album, I deliberately didn't put my picture on it because I wanted people to "hear" the work without any preconceived notions that a photo might bring up.
I caught so much flak for it, though, that I did put a photo on my second, especially when I realized how much that I, too, like seeing an artist's picture.
Details, details....