Small actions changing self-identity
2008-09-10
Have you noticed how a small action can change your self-identity?
Last week when I was learning scuba diving in Iceland, I took a snorkeling trip to my dive spot first. The snorkelers did everything the divers did, minus the tank and weights.
So a week later, when I returned to dive for real, I felt a little like an assistant teacher. I was helping the other tourists who had never been there before, showing them where to go, and helping them rinse their masks.
Even though the day before, I wasn't very confident about my diving skills (I had just got my scuba certification that day), taking on this role of assistant-teacher made me feel a bit like an expert. By the time I got in the water, I was confident and excited. (An hour later, I helped a panic-stricken diver get to the surface, really cementing this feeling.)
I think back about the other tiny actions that changed my self-identity.
- When I was 17, I met Kimo Williams, who taught me I could graduate college in 2 years, which gave me an identity as an overachiever.
- When I joined the circus at 18, I was unable to sleep in moving vehicles, so I became the designated driver of the circus truck. Having this role made me feel in charge, so I acted in charge, so I became in charge. After used to being the leader in this small way, I ended up being band-leader of all my bands after that, then starting my own company. It just felt like, “Well, that's who I am,” but how much of that was due to a decision to drive the circus truck?
- When I was 22, my girlfriend's hippie parents (and the book Island by Aldous Huxley) inspired me to quit my safe and happy job at Warner/Chappell Music Publishing, and to never have a job again. I was now an entrepreneur, committed to creating a living from my own ventures.
Hm, well, maybe that last one wasn't small, but the one action of quitting my job became some kind of proof that I'm the type that avoids my comfort zone to step into the unknown.
Recently, when I quit my company and was riding a scooter around Vietnam, a long-lost friend called out of the blue. When I told him what I was doing he just said, “Yep. That sounds like you!”
Based on what?
A series of small actions I've taken along the way, I guess. I could have just as easily made a single different decision earlier at 17, and be married with kids teaching guitar lessons in Chicago quite happily.
- Talking to a beautiful stranger.
- Helping someone in need.
- Starting a band.
Like those life-changing coincidences - (how did you meet your spouse?) - taking a small action can snowball into huge changes that create a new you.
Good morning Derek.
Reading this post has given me a great start to my day.
I was just talking to my wife, Cora, yesterday about how everything great and life-changing always occurred in a moment on a day which was the miraculous tomorrow of the unsuspecting day before.
As we were contemplating our great plans for the next nine months, we realized that we didn't have to wait nine months to realize our dreams since everything could change tomorrow (or today or this week...).
I read Huxley's Island while in Bali and it changed everything for me, too.
I look forward to more inspired posts and synchronistic insights.
Joshua
it's not Viet Nam or Iceland, but 2 years ago we moved from Pittsburgh, PA to Muskogee, OK on about 3 weeks notice. talk about life changing! What I've found is that far from my expectation of a closed minded country driven music scene in this area, Tulsa is full of great bands, people in the scene that call back(!!) and a wide range of influences. I've changed from leading a band to doing solo acoustic/electric performances, which has taken my songwriting in a whole new direction. And when I released my latest CD last Spring, I felt better about it than any product I'd ever put out in my life, partly because I had created it on my own, no timetable, no studio.
small steps, big changes.
hear Voxius and Mr.Voxius @ CDBABY.com!
Age 11, began taking guitar lessons.
Age 22, Read 4 Hour Work Week.
Age 23, started GuitarPlayerZen.com.
It really is amazing how certain actions and events can really define your life. Reading one book or article can light a fire within you to begin taking action. You aren't really sure where it is going to take you, but you know you have to start somewhere and do something.
I think a lot of bands and musicians become overwhelmed with the big idea of becoming famous and having their music videos being played on TRL. They just don't know what to do next.
While it is great to think big, it can be paralyzing.
This is a great article and hopefully will remind us all to realize that it is the small actions (the ones that you can execute today and in the moment) that really are the events that matter in terms of realizing success.
This is very inspiring and it's great reading for people who have qualms about stepping out of their comfort zones and start an adventure. I particularly like the analogy used about your maiden diving experience, being a diving enthusiast myself. It's true, a bit of snorkeling and getting your consciousness attuned to the idea that you can actually breathe underwater is an excellent pre-dive preparation, following a few weeks of certification training. - steve
Action is a miraculous thing.
Little did I know when I started publishing a little local music newspaper back in 1987, it would lead to writing columns on music promotion and career development.
Those columns led to my first book, which opened up a whole new path for me. Today I make a living as an author writing and speaking about topics I'm passionate about.
You never know what some crazy notion or urge you have will lead to. But you have to take those first little steps.
As Albert Einstein said, "Nothing happens until something moves."
Bob
www.TheBuzzFactor.com
They say that you need to change inside out, but you can change outside in, too. When you make yourself a habit of doing something, a lot of times it creeps in.
If you want to be a rock star, I recommend looking like one. At least try it. Every time you see yourself in a mirror, you see the rock star version of yourself. I'm trying this experiment with my hair. I never had a long hair because my hair is out-of-control thick, and I could never tame it. But after hearing for the umpteenth time how my wife thinks a man with a pony tail is sexy, I've made a commitment to let my hair grow long.
I'm not even close to getting a pony tail, but as I let my hair grow longer, I feel more like an "artist" I always knew I was inside. I may not keep a pony tail once I get it, but I'm enjoying how my look affects how I see myself.
ari
Hi Derek,
As usual a very interesting and inspiring blog.
I agree with Jeff about how thinking big can be paralysing - we must all remember big things come from doing lots of small things.
I used to think that I was 'thinking big' but in truth I was obsessing about an end result, and nothing beats actually doing things especially the small ones like putting an ad in the classified for a bass player, going and seeing a local band, ringing old friends etc.
I also agree with Ari - if you can change your perception of yourself , you will portray that image to others.
For me this means rocking a massive handle-bar moustache
OMG, I love Aldous Huxley's Island! Have you read what Abraham Maslow wrote about Huxley?
In The Farther Reaches of Human Nature, a posthumously published collection of Maslow essays (which I adore), he discusses evasion of personal growth as a defense against hubris. From p. 38 (very dog-eared, along with most of the book!):
"You must be aware not only of the godlike possibilities within, but also of the existential human limitations...
...
May I mention one more such technique that I saw at its best in Aldous Huxley, who was certainly a great man in the sense I've been discussing, one who was able to accept his talents and use them to the full. He managed it by perpetually marveling at how interesting and fascinating everything was, by wondering like a youngster at how miraculous things are, by saying frequently, 'Extraordinary! Extraordinary!' He could look out at the world with wide eyes, with unabashed innocence, awe, and fascination, which is a kind of admission of smallness, a form of humility, and then proceed calmly and unafraid to the great tasks he set for himself."
Elsewhere Maslow refers to Island, but I can't find it at the moment. Enjoy!
Reminds me of that movie Sliding Doors - which was pretty lame, but it's a trippy thing to think about, how stepping on the cat's tail might stave off a nuclear war or something.
A series of small actions I’ve taken along the way, I guess. I could have just as easily made a single different decision earlier at 17, and be married with kids teaching guitar lessons in Chicago quite happily.
"Having this role made me feel in charge, so I acted in charge, so I became in charge."
That's so key! Years ago when I was being groomed for the family business - which I eventually quit in order to pursue a life more musical - I was enrolled in the Dale Carnegie Course in order to sharpen my human relations skills. One exercise they had there has stuck with me all these years. It involved repeating one axiom several times with growing emotion:
"Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic."
My cat Cosmo brings this down to earth. When he's about to leap onto something unfamiliar, he stares at it intensely, vibrates for a moment, and then jumps successfully to his destination. My girlfriend and I call this the 'See It...Be It Configuration.' He sees where he wants to be, and then he is there. See it, be it.
Thanks as always for sharing this stuff, Derek!
I've often thought some individual things people have said have been my big influences. Like someone saying, "Sure, your voice isn't that great, but neither is Ozzy Osbourne's."
It really is the little things that mean a lot. People in LA thought I had lost my mind when I announced that I was moving back to Clifton, NJ (my hometown) to pursue an advanced degree in Music Composition, but I did it, and I'm sooooo glad I did.
I always try to help people in need when I run across them. It's a karmic duty, methinks.
And I want you to know that I haven't forgotten how you hooked Andre LaFosse and I up with that Kimo Williams thing. That was very nice of you to think of us, and it was a great concert, and I still have fond memories of that evening to this day. So thank, Derek. You are most definitely a good friend.
Chris
There have been many moments like this I can look back on: walking into a martial arts studio on a whim; calling the army recruiter who left a card on my door; deciding to move to Seattle over a phone call; telling my friend I'd find my own way home the night I met my wife (of 10 years now); and most recently, deciding that it might be cooler to BUILD my first bike vs BUY it.
Hearing an increadible guitarist like Michael Angelo Batio, then telling all my friends how great he is.
Then, hanging out with Michael Angelo Batio, who has MY cd in his iPod, call ME "a true guitar great!"
Talk about having an impact!
For me, the biggest change probably happened when I decided to change my name in court. I went to see a friend in LA and had an inspiring night of music, and drove straight from Los Angeles back to the court in San Diego to get the name change papers. I didn't think my old name fit for the kind of lifestyle I wanted. I even sent out an email to my friends saying why I was changing my name, and told them I wanted them to call me by my new name now. So now, so many people say, "man, what a name, that even SOUNDS like a rock star name!" and I say, "I know...I know." and laugh silently to myself.
Vanja (sounds like Vonya) James
action.
Love Light and all the best your way Derek.. thanks for the support !!
love
heidi
Hi Derek,
Thank you for all your thought provoking insights, and for shedding light on the infinite ways of doing things. It's really appreciated!
May all your dreams become a reality for you and your family.
Hi Derek_
Of course YOU would be a light in the midst of a national and global meltdown, chaotic news and rampant fear! Thanks for keeping us all on the path to positive change and owning our destinies! Hope you have a fabulous day!
Thank god I,M ME, myself in many situations.
I once heard a lecture by Christopher Moon where he said two things that struck me: 1. never underestimate the far-reaching efects of making one small change in your life 2.to get out of defense, into vulnerability and then beyond to your essence, CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR.
Thanks again Derek! You're The Cool New Guru
Salem from Jones
I can think of several examples in my own life.
I don't think this phenomenon is always a positive thing. A bad decision or event is more common than a good one!
Io credo che qualsiasi esperienza sia utile.Non so dove portino le mie sperienze ma ad esempio se non fosse esistita cdbaby io non avrei mai potuto distribuire il mio cd.Ho incontrato cd baby e sono riuscito ad arrivare a distribuire il mio cd.Poi il resto non lo conosco ancora,non so se venderò oppure no.So solo che vivo in un paese l'Italia dove solo i raccomandati vanno in radio e in televisione e non vi è libertà d'impresa e quindi chi vuole fare qualcosa deve solo scappare dall'Italia.
Derek,
I too, learned to scuba dive in Iceland.. ( was it with Matti B.?)
which I would never have done, had I not mentioned a very private life long dream (diving) to a dear friend there, who shared the desire.
I have a similar life line; led by small events from horn player to become a singer which I had never intended...(so interesting to now be listed in Scott Yanow's book: Jazz Singers, the Top 500)I mention this only as another example of simply "doing what feels like the most fun at the time" ..singing was more fun for me than saxophone - Iceland was more exciting at the moment than (my beloved) Montreal...writing a simple celtic 'air' about the demise of fishing in my home (NS) won the best (jazz!)composition prize at Montreal jazz fest...Making wee choices to do what feels good now, will take you wherever you want to go. Making yourself feel good is what helps you let it in.
Thanks so much, Derek for all the great info and for sharing your enthusiasm!
Thx Derek
You always have interesting grist for the mill.
so right. fabulous advice quite touching as well when you think that we are oten unaware of your small (or big) actions and how they change everything. thanks.
Hello All!
Reading this and the insightful comments reminds me of a minor and even mundane occurence which turned into something much more glamorous. Years ago, just out of college, in my rented 1 bedroom apartment, I was having a new toilet put in. The plumber's assistant looked around my apartment, at its theatrical decor and said he liked the vibe, what did I do. I almost didn't want to talk about it, but told him I just received my degree in classical voice from USC. He asked to hire me for a voice lesson. Reluctantly,
I agreed. I gave him one lesson, then didn't hear from him again. A month or so later, I got a phone call from Dawn Robison of En Vogue. She knew this plumber and said he spoke highly of me as a teacher. So, for awhile, I gave singing lessons to this multi grammy winning artist. All from having my toilet put in!
Derek:
You are so relevant in these unsettling times. You are a window OUT! I know that you are a blessed man, because despite your success, you always reach back and try to help out your fellow man, in my case woman. You have the spirit that God has asked us all to have, "Love One Another," because we are "Our Brother's Keepers"!
Derek, I love your posts. Thanks for the inspiration!
xXx
JVB
Thank you, Derek. And the rest of you. I needed some encouragement today.
Hi Derek,
Almost 5 years ago now, my husband and I gave up our comfortable existence and stable jobs in the suburbs of Connecticut for a better life on a small farm in rural Oregon. Almost everybody thought we were crazy. We have not only survived, but are thriving out here, making a living from farming, part-time and seasonal jobs and music. Looking forward to the Spokane Fall Folk Festival where we will be performing for our third year.
Derek, I too read your emails and posts ('though not often enough!) with pleasure and gratitude.
I have pretty much always lived my life being open to signs and symbols, and trusting my hunches. This most definitely led to meeting my husband of 30 plus years, back on New Year's Day in Boston, although I was going to school at SUNY Potsdam near the Canadian border at the time.
Fast forward to several years ago, when I made the decision to quit part-time work in the office ghetto once and for all, to commit myself to being a full-time musician, quite possibly due to encouragement from you, Derek!
However following -- and combining! -- one's passions is decidedly the most effective path to success. All throughout high school and college, I vacillated between Music and French, trying to decide which was my bigger love. It wasn't until I threw them both in the blender and discovered the French-speaking world online in 1998, available at the click of a mouse, that I began writing and co-writing songs in French. All of which has led to the creation of 3 of my 4 CDs to date.
Personally, I like to think of myself as semi-actualized, because we really ARE all works in progress...
Thanks for sharing, everyone.
Kari
Dear Small Actions, After I finished school in two years I joined the circus,stepped out of the comfort zone,and stepped in what?There are a lot of Elephants in those trucks so driving instead of riding might be a good thing. Got it!
While diving Iceland,and biking Vietnam I had a chance to help tourists,make a small,tiny decision,,drive instead of ride if you have 3 kids, traveling through a big city like Chicago.
yours truly,
Guitar teacher
P.S.-Their must be a song in there some where. Im still looking for the one trick pony in the pile of,, stepped in what,,,Life. The what if? Thats where you can get stuck. I came from a large family,poor with an abusive father. The oldest boy going to work at 14 to help my mother protect the kids.
'Do you got a fast car? I need a ticket to anywhere' Tracy Chapman,,,hm,,I just made a decision,,thanks!
Starting life off pretty shy, it was hard to make some of the decisions I did, but in order to change some things about myself, I had to take a risk - which I did often - but I also had to learn how to do it without being blacked out drunk!
Thank you, Derek. I am getting ready to leave my bubble of safety and this truly inspires me.
I am visually impaired and have made my living through massage therapy. Music has always been my hobby. Now I am determined to become a new me, Christina Athena. I am leaving Michigan City, IN and moving to Charleston, S.C. where I will pursue playing music and living my dream.
My guide dog Max will be my companion and friend along the way.
Thank you for your inspiration. Here's to new adventures.
Warmest regards
Christina Athena