Don't... if you think it's going to make you happy
2008-12-31
I'm thinking of moving to India for 6 months.
I called my friend Tina Su to discuss it. We talked about pros and cons.
In the end, I asked, “Is there any reason NOT to go?”
She thought deeply then said, “Yes. Don't go if you think it's going to make you happy.”
Brilliant.
To be clear:
Her point is if you think any external place is somehow going to make you happy, you'll be disappointed.
Only you can make yourself happy. You take yourself with you wherever you go.
In my case, I'm already happy, and not expecting anything from India but a learning experience and different work environment.
Still I thought her point and the way she put it was so beautifully succinct I had to post it here.
It's my feeling that thinking "happy" vs. "not happy" is totally irrelevant. I would re-compute and think in terms of "me" vs. "not me." I think the only question you need to ask yourself is "Is going to India for six months something that the real Derek Sivers would do?" If the answer is "yes," go!
I completely agree. Wise woman, your friend.
So will your next post be from Delhi?
I've made the same mistake many times--thinking that some location will bring me happiness. I've moved to the Northwest, Germany and Budapest. I finally learned the hard lesson: happiness is not where you live, but what you do where you are.
Cool place to gain insight on a different culture. I'm sure you'll love it. Go, as long as you can STILL help the millions that you have already helped from there!
Absolutely true. You can't escape from yourself. Whatever you try to leave behind is already waiting at your destination, sometimes heavily disguised.
So both options are o.k. once you realize.
Happy New Year; Derek!
I was in Nepal this august. I've learned a lot.
Here you can listen to some field-recordings i did: http://bikemike.blogr.com/stories
all the best for 2009 and go to India!
Wolfgang aka BikeMike
I thinks its a wonderful idea as long as I get to visit and crash on the couch. Basmati rice with yellow curry sauce is my favorite!
Was just talking to my favorite person about moving to India. Not to make us happy but for adventure and exploring. Will keep my eyes open for your travels. Where will you go? We just don't know where to go. Have kids too - that would make it even more interesting.
You should only go this time if you really absorb the culture. To truly be able to experience anywhere, you really need to know the locals and live like the locals.
Otherwise, you won't really learn anything new.
Go b/c it's something you want to do, not something you can do.
After reading that comment Derek, I think we both came to the same conclusion. Usually after a few days, the excitement of going to a "new" place wears off. I think it is similar with going to new jobs, getting a new car, new clothes, etc...
Someone once told me "It isn't the money you are after, it is the FEELING you get from it." However, I think it is one and the same with living in a new place.
I hope that makes sense. Brilliant response!
Jared Matthew Kessler
(Author of "The Poet and the Billionaire")
Beautifully said! Love it!
hey Derek everything is so serious,how bout you come up to Summit,Ny for three of the 6 months and help me develop a reality tv show for musicians I've been working on... just kiddin...well no I'm not, but anyhow good luck and please travel safe. You are the first I would nominate in the Indie music Hall of fame if their was one.We need you here!!!
1. Good luck on your move to India! Go for it if you wanna! But please make sure you do all the vaccinations and don't drink non-bottled water, even at expensive restaurants. I heard bad things about it.
2. I found it out when I moved to Tibet. That per se did not make me even a tiny little bit happier. Ha-ha!
3. Happy New Year!
4. Very strangely, Derek Sivers was in my dream last night. I don't remember the context but there was some plot line, some philosophy, something - don't remember.
5. Again, happy new year! In India or on the Moon...
As Luther put it, 'To go against conscience is neither right nor safe' Follow your gut, follow your intuition. Listen to the 'little man' inside.
I've found joy comes from serving others, not myself. I'd rather live in a place I didn't like with a clear sense of purpose and a clear conscience, than anywhere I just 'chose' based on 'pros' and 'cons'.
I rely on God to put me where I am supposed to be, and reveal the work to be done. It is the only safe, only right course. And, yes, sometimes it is not what I wanted at first, but in retrospect, I see the rewards.
Would be a great opportunity! I've been wanting to visit more of Europe and elsewhere for years.
Make sure to visit the Osho Resort in Pune (www.osho.com) for some meditation & relaxed awareness with Western standard hygiene.
This place has the edge when it comes to blending the meditation techniques of the east with the personal transformation of the human potential movement.
Best other-worldly experience on the planet, if you ask me.
And Osho is still as controversial as hell, especially for Americans, so that should make him worthy of investigation.
As someone who lived in India, I can guarantee it won't make you happy! It will, however, provide such a vast distance that new perspectives are bound to arise about where you live, how you live, how money really can make a difference, why overpopulation is a travesty and perhaps, even, who you'll want to be when you return.
Go if you have a calling ... it's truly an altered state of consciousness!
I think more to the point is that if you are happy, DON'T go anywhere. Why would you tinker with life when it is working? A bomb, kidnapping, or beating can turn a smile upside down. Internal happiness is very important but external reality actually has MORE clout than many people think.
Sounds trite, but
"Wherever you go, there you are"
Perfect and simple. This reminds me to share a recent quote my visiting uncle just shared with me, from an Arabic proverb: "Trust in Allah, but always tie your camel."
joe livoti, Ram Das wrote that in my copy of Be Here Now when I was on the road and ran into him at a Sebastapol book store in the 90's.
Derek,
Can you tell me why you want to go to India of all places?
...Because it won't. Interesting coincidence - My quote for the Day gadget offered the following at the same time you posted this, Derek:
Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness.
- Robertson Davies
I think I made this very mistake when moving to East Devon (southwest England). I thought, new place new opportunities new... just cool.
But, uh... no, it's just the same as where I used to live. Except here they are all believe it's NOT a craphole. At least where I used to live they were almost proud of the seaside gotham city (as I always called it). This place is more rural, but still a craphole that thinks too highly of itself.
Take this as a case study, evidence of your friends point.
AJT
Q: Can you tell us about that dream, the one which you have been relentlessly working to realize for the past twenty-five or thirty years, while ignoring all kinds of hindrances and obstacles?
Osho: The dream is universal, it is not my own. It is centuries old - or you can say, it is eternal. The earth began to see that dream with the dawning of the very first rays of human consciousness. How many flowers are strung in the garland of this dream - how many Gautam Buddhas, Mahaviras, Kabirs and Nanaks have sacrificed their lives for this dream? How am I to call that dream mine? That dream is the dream of man himself. We have given this dream a name - we call this dream India.
Quote from 'India My Love' by OSHO
Go so I can come to visit you!
Yeah happiness is nowhere but inside of us, blablabla... but India is gorgeous, intense, crazy, chaotic and peaceful all at once. So go, go, go
Hmmm...maybe there's a bit more zen than advice here. What would be the inverse of her statement? "DO GO if you seem sure that it WON'T make you happy?"
Besides...if you followed the same advice in anything else, how would your life be? "I think I'd be happy if I had breakfast...I'd better not!"
Okay...I'm going too far. Point is, the point here is not to expect some change to reshape your identity, to never say "Oh, I'd be happy if only ****."
hi compadre
we need to be happy every minute we are alive
to find the feith we need to know who we are...
all the very best from jerusalem
Yehuda Glantz
I haven't seen anyone mention the freshness of perspective that comes from being in a new place, away from one's routine- perhaps an appreciation for what is going 'right' and a renewed resolve to change what is not.
Some feel that happiness = laziness. That that "itch" that bothers you keeps you striving, working and creating. So, if you believe that is the case, IF the discovery that lies ahead makes you happy and therefore "satisfied", get ready for change(to complacency that is).
However, if you can be happy and still create, still have drive, still trail-blaze than the above statement doesn't matter....FORGE ON GRASSHOPPA!