I assume I'm below average
2010-07-01
96% of cancer patients in a hospital claim to be in better health than the average cancer patient.
93% of motorists consider themselves to be safer-than-average drivers.
90% students see themselves as more intelligent than the average student.
94% of college professors said they are better-than-average teachers.
Ironically, 92% said they are less biased than average, too.
The psychology term for this is illusory superiority.
To me, this was like finding out I'm a cylon, or this is the Matrix. Hard to accept facts.
At first, like almost everybody, I thought, “Yes, but I really am above average!” Then I realized I was doing it again.
So I decided to gamble on the opposite:
I now just assume I'm below average.
It serves me well.
I listen more. I ask a lot of questions.
I've stopped thinking others are stupid. I assume most people are smarter than me.
To assume you're below average is to admit you're a beginner. It puts you in student mind. It keeps your focus on present practice and future possibilities, and away from any past accomplishments.
Most people are so worried about looking good that they never do anything great.
Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all.
You destroy that paralysis when you think of yourself as such a beginner that just doing anything is an accomplishment.
(Or even better, an experiment.)
On the contrary for me, I feel like it's important to know I am (or at least have the potential to be) above average. It's an issue of confidence -- I find I get a lot more done when I know that my ideas are good enough to be heard by others. This isn't arrogance, but rather a way to combat insecurity and low self-esteem.
I totally agree. We all go through different phases. For most of my life, feeling above-average served me well. Right now, feeling below-average is working better. Maybe it's a focus of doing versus learning? -- Derek
Best article in awhile, maybe ever. Zen, baby.
But maybe you really are a cylon and this is just your way of bringing down the average...
I'm watching you, Sivers.
YES! ... ;)...... and how many actually "get" it? .... well said...
Oh I know I'm dumb, that's why I try to surround myself with brillant friends, people and spouse!! I learn SO much all the time.
Nice to be reminded of the fact though.... ;^)
I think you just made it man! I've being thinking of something like this. My question was: What I really am?
And not what I think I am...
I guess I will re-read it 11 more times...
Thanks Derek, you helped 1 so far!
A good perspective DS. It is a trap I fall into constantly and could benefit from avoiding.
Beautiful post and concept. I'm going to try to open myself up to being a student again. Seems like that's the best way to grow.
That's what makes it fun anyways.
I'm starting to work on my next album and because I want so much for it to be great I have felt that paralysis a lot over the past few weeks. I knew why I was feeling it and was trying to put less pressure on myself but I couldn't replace the worry and goals with something a little more inviting.
Thanks for this! Each little line and melody will deserve its own celebration now.
Top of the World
I'm on the top of the world lying flat on my face, a perfect creation, a total disgrace
I'm incredibly wise and know nothing at all, I'm larger than life and pathetically small
I'm as strong as an ox, I only seem lazy, but if others can work I would have to be crazy
I would much rather sing or relax in the sun, I say somebody out there has got to have fun
Chorus:
Some think I'm a sinner, some think I'm a saint
But if they really knew me they'd probably all faint
I'd say they're all in for a major surprise
Once I take off my mask and reveal my disguise...
I'm a family man, loyal to my dear wife since the last time she caught me and threatened my life
With my foot in my mouth and my head in the clouds I repulse many people and attract major crowds
With impeccable tact and despicable nerve, I take only that which I feel I deserve
Which is nothing at all and is all that I see cause it wouldn't be there if it wasn't for me
I hope I don't come across sounding conceited, I just think that I'm great and demand to be treated like an old pile of crap or an All Powerful King, just as long as you listen to me while I sing
Derek,
My duo partner Darrell Grant and I (both fans of your writing and insights) were just talking about this phenomenon last week.
Related: are you familiar with the Dunning-Kruger study? It can be downloaded as a PDF from Wikipedia. Worth the read:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
~Dmitri
Sometimes (rarely) you are SO goody-two-shoes I wanna scream, Derek. What's the matter with not comparing yourself to ANYONE, just being who you are with whatever set of challenges you've got - you know: REALITY!? I think comparing yourself to anyone else is a waste of time. Better....worse...= no difference in REALITY!
Probably why I like to try new things so often. Such as: yoga. Today was my second time ever, first time was last Sunday. Yet both times the instructor told me I did extremely well, while in my head I'm saying, I've got a long way to go before I feel like I've got it.
There's always something to learn, even if you are tops in a field you know a lot about. When I stop learning in something I do, that's when I want to quit doing it. So yes, it's alright to think below average.
a great excercise, @ least...powerful life skill @ best. i understand what yazan means, but am sure you're not suggesting we think lowly of ourselves, or stupid or any such negative thing...just ABLE to learn more.
thanks, derek.
I try not to measure ability or talent, especially in superlatives. I consider myself a motivated beginner at just about everything, but especially music. Some people have been offended by that--because they think I am a "really good player", but I know I've barely scratched the surface...and comparisons are odious. As long as I am trying my hardest to do my best I'm ok with that.
What study are you referencing here, Derek? Where to the percentages come from?
Many of those percentages are from the book Stumbling on Happiness, though I don't know where he got them. Others were from random browsing on this subject. -- Derek
I decided it was long over due that I leave you a comment to tell you how much I do enjoy reading your blog and the posts that you write.
I've been reading for a long time but never left a comment and I think it's the least I can do for you for all the thought provoking and often inspiration things you write.
I would say your last three paragraphs are spot on in describing my thought process and ultimate failures I had with the first few years of starting my business or at least trying to.
Looking forward to more posts!
Brandon
how true how true thats all I can say. Great article Derek just absolutely great. Thanks for reminding us to be humble, as how can anyone be wrong if everyone is right.
I've always suffered from low self esteem.... after thousands of dollars of therapy, acting below average is not a safe place to go.
I agree with both the article and comment by Yazan--it's a balance of roles. I personally feel the two mindsets competing with each other esp when I'm in a new setting or state, like walking two dogs on leashes. But it's what keeps thoughts and feelings fresh. Keeping mind and eyes open with humbleness while maintaining the self-confidence from experiences to know what you want to do and where you want to go.
btw, love your blog!
The greatest obstacle to learning is what you think you all ready know.
Move beyond comparisons, into each moment of Now, where all experience may be interpreted to optimize our being.
Are you psychic?This is an issue with me now. Can being TOO humble create a lack of confidence.. Many very great people were arrogant.ie: Mozart -Tesla-Frank lloyd Wright.People in entertainment that are hams , are the ones the usually succeed..so I dont know.
I have always felt less than, and it has helped me to become one of the best at what I do (tech work). I read all the time, I do my best to be willing to learn (though I still have issues learning from people much younger than I), and also practice saying "I'm not sure, lets try it and see" as often as I can.
Glad to see you still have great things to offer in regards to making me take a look at things. With all the "stuff" going on right now, I really need to go to a calmer, and more spiritual place, and your article took me there.
Thanks,
g
Got humility? Humility is inversely proportional to judgement, whether you call yourself below or above average. Going into life with a humble, neutral approach (for me) provides me with an open and accepting mind, like the beginners mind, but without the labels.
I am exactly average. :]
I know one thing I'm Not good at... Being the first person to reply to your blog Derek.
Thanks for your wisdom!
Love,
Johnny C
"Average" is somebody else's opinion and therefore bunk. Average by whose standards? I have my own standards, the Dude abides, the artist competes only with himself.
Great article, Derek! A lesson that I can't be reminded of enough. Humility most certainly begins with the self, and it makes us more "receptive" to the world around us. We forget to do this because everything around us these days tells us to "speak up and be heard" to survive.
I think this could use more flushing out. It's an interesting idea, but not a wholly original one. I would really like to hear some more examples of this being a beneficial point of being, or some examples of times in your past where NOT thinking this way was detrimental. Basically, you had me interested but then the article ended.
-- Derek
Different thoughts, different days. One idea at a time.
Yes, but what about the portion of those statistics that really ARE better than the average? Should they also be lead to believe that they're below average?
Awesome article Derek.
I've been a martial artist since childhood and I am always taught to keep "beginners mind". Only few people are able to keep it while going up the ranks. When you loose it, you drastically slow down the growing/learning/advancing process, people who do keep it though, they are the ones, who truly learn the most, and always stay on top or as you've said "above average" or "above the rest"
This definitely explains a lot! Everybody is King or Queen in their own little world, meanwhile they are all following the sheep in front of them over the cliff.
Solitoode
You nailed it! Being or feeling average or below average keeps you on your toes. It makes you work harder, it allows you to always keep an open mind. It gives you that edge and the hunger to learn from people, books, blogs etc...
Excellent job again.
Agreed 101 %
Modesty and humility goes to great success in future.....it is very simple to be humble still a lot of the people are not
Awesome! While I was reading it I was saying to myself, "Most of the people will not be able to digest this here in LA..." How perfectly poetic.
This also reminds me of something else I'd love to pass on to others. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE is as afraid of you as you are of them. This is just part of the human condition. If you think hard about this, you'll see how funny it really is. Imagine that everyone you looked at in a given day was as afraid of you as you were of them.
Not so scary after-all, right?
Say Hello next time and see what I mean.
Speaking as a believer in Christ Jesus along with countless other believers who also can testify to this:"God does not judge a person from the outward appearance but from the inward heart of man/woman,
as God is no respecter of persons;
so in essence we as Christians are not to esteem one person higher than another because of their wealth or position etc."
Reff:
http://www.freegrace.net/dfbooks/dfactsbk/acts31.htm
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedfiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/Self-Esteem.pdf
That idea of constantly experimenting is the most important idea there is. At a music festival last week I happened to lead a jam that developed from a core of extremely capable and creative musicians. As more were attracted to the music and came to join, I noticed that a lot of people were passing on their turn to lead. Such a shame! There they were with a completely respectful group of sophisticated musicians but they were so afraid of "making a mistake" that they missed a chance to find out what it was like to have folks like that listening and playing along respectfully to THEM.
Later I had a chance to chat with some who passed on their turn. They told me they were afraid that they didn't have anything to contribute. Yet some of these folks were good enough musicians to lead a session themselves at home. They were just suffering from what I call "fear of foolishness." By nature we just don't like feeling that we're not good enough to be a leader, so we don't expose ourselves to that possibility.
Of course if you don't get out there and make a mistake, there's really no way to get any better than you already are...
I find that the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.
There is so much information and so many smart people out there.
I do believe that we all have something to contribute. We might not have as much knowledge as the next person, but with time what we bring to the table is our experience.
So in comparing the two, which do you think is more valuable; information or experience?
Isn't this really about getting to a state of non judgement? Opening yourself to perceiving the world without the burden of filters that could limit your experience or potential? It seams that while viewing yourself as below average could have the advantages of freeing you from the limitations of arrogance, it would also have it's own limiting qualities such as lack of confidence, expecting less than your own personal best, etc.. Wouldn't it be better to simply be open to every new situation without having to run it and yourself through the "how do I match up" mental filtering process?
Could it be that all judgements produce some form of limitation?
nice ,,
I love the eternal student state of mind .
It sute me right.
I feel that way too Derek ... I always consider myself not quite as good as everyone around me ... and while it does make me work hard to try to get better & ask a lot of questions ...
I do sort of wonder ... if it's making everybody else see me as not as good as them either, which is not good for them extending me meaningful opportunities ... seems while folks dislike bragging, they do seem to respect & admire confidence, and even seem more willing to overlook their mistakes or lack of true ability at times ...
I suppose the best combination is to be humble and yet portray a quiet confidence based on your work. Work hard to be great, but remember, there is always someone (or even a lot of someones) who is better.
You don't seem to lack confidence from the times I've actually met you Derek, so this combination works well for you. But for someone who truly does, it's a precarious mix that may not yield the same results.
Great point, Beth! Thank you. -- Derek
Yes as I get older I am more interested to listen and ask questions. I still find myself complaining about the idiot driving in front of me and the average American is that idiot and then think of all the people that are below average. Then I am reminded that we're either all a bunch of dumb monkeys or the fools that were left behind from the spaceship to procreate and share stories of the great creator that touches and links everything together. Oh to be humble
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind
Great article Derek, one of my favorites so far. Inspiring to me as I think about how to accomplish my dreams.
I tried this exact thing based on the same data and it totally backfired. I lost my confidence, and once you're acting rationally it's hard to get back into an irrational state of mind. Keep reading the research and you'll find that people who have an overblown self image oftentimes do end up doing better simply because they don't know they can't.
There's a great tech startup saying that goes something like this: Most venture capital goes to people in their twenties. This isn't because VC's prefer young people, it's because nobody over 30 is stupid enough to take venture capital.
If you want to do something great your best bet is to have an irrational level of confidence. If you want to do something pretty good and live a pretty good life you may be better off getting realistic, but it can be a little depressing. If you can afford it, stay foolish.
a biggy, derek, and you're right on. basic humility and remaining teachable are 2 major ingredients in life and music. thinking of one's self as on a pedestal while relating is like looking straight out at an audience of air; the peeps are down on the floor expecting something real.
A favorite quote is "when you stop learning, you are dead."
It's attributed to too many people though, so it must be truth.
Humility as an admirable personality trait seems less popular than it should be. When I used to teach guitar lessons there were many people who could not call them "lessons". Some parents couldn't even use the word lessons when talking about setting up the appointments (lessons) for their kids. I imagine that karate instructors don't get this kind of disrespect due to the obvious physical ability they have over their STUDENTS.
If you have to be concerned about where you are vis a vis the rest of humanity,compare yourself to Mozart Einstein Gandhi, Piccaso and the other giants.If that's too daunting, well, there is a lot of average stuff that needs doing, and there is honor and satisfaction in that, too.
I completely agree with this. You can never tell if you're above average in many things. People may simply not care or try as much as you, or you simply may think you're smarter by judging off of people that are way below average on intelligence. You may think you're an above average driver because you see people doing stupid things all the time, but you don't take into account all the people driving well. (Going to the forums on you tube gives me an ego boost all the time, but the simple fact is most of the people that comment on that site are below average. However, you should take into account that some people have confidence issues, and thinking they're above average may help them. I always like to know the facts though, and I know exactly what I'm good at and what I'm bad at. I can normally gauge pretty well just by facts and logic what I'm good at and what I"m bad at. You can't just compare yourself to the people that are below average you ahve to compare yourself to everyone and make it almost a statistic, and take into account the variables.
it can also help maintain a gritty determination to succeed and keeps ya humble
thanks
With all my coaches, I began by explaining why I did something the way I did. It wasn't until I stopped acting like I knew what I was doing that I started to really learn. So I understand exactly what you are saying. I also find it a waste of energy to compare myself to others. It's like saying an oak tree is better than a maple.
also consider the below average effect:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worse-than-average_effect
your response to the first commenter is apt i think. it's all about having the right frame for the present circumstances. we can run into difficulties when we have the wrong frame. sometimes this happens by failing to understand that one's frame needs to be updated due to changed circumstances.
that's from the best counselling session I ever had
I think your point "Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all."
was splendid. I am stuck like this right now, have been all week. I knew it, but it's nice to hear it from someone else too.
wil
Realistic self-esteem can be a difficult balance to find.
I think what you might be heading toward, Derek, is that we must all give ourselves the freedom to be a beginner in every situation. It gives us the freedom to make mistakes and mistakes are often the best teachers.
I totally get it. Thanks!
Each one of us is truly the best in the world at being who we are, and expressing our unique gift to the world. Very few of us do it. Perhaps these statistics show a reflection of the frustration most people are feeling over not fully expressing who they are.
It would be interesting to see this study split up in two groups: 1. Working people who don't necessarily do what they love (i.e. most people).
2. Hugely successful people who are highly satisfied with their lives.
I have a feeling there would be a huge difference in those percentages.
I've never understood the need to average, nor do I understand the concept of fitting in. But I think it may have something to do with the watering and mowing of lawns.
This is one of the best articles in a while Derek. I always thought I had room to learn and grow. However, I did compare myself to others in the past. A lot has now changed however. I'm focusing on how can I do better by focusing on my own strengths and weaknesses. I'm a bit concerned with going to far in thinking you are under average because a lot of people, especially women suffer from low self-esteem. However, with the mindset of assuming you are below average, I would agree that it helps you listen and learn more without the distraction of your ego. Great Post!
Derek
Beautifully put although I'm wondering if cultivating a beginners mind can be done without reference to a scorecard but rather with the presence to turn up, pay attention and be grateful for what one encounters, learning a we go.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases
also consider this list of cognitive biases. it's amazing how many there are. also amazing to think how much our lives would be improved if only we applied the knowledge gained from all of these studies. so often i get frustrated with there not being enough applied psychologists.
without wanting to be overly approving i think it's nice to see you posting psych studies every now and again and applying them to personal issues. there is so much to gain from doing this. just think of all the enlightenment that could come from pouring through all the dusty old psych journals sitting on library shelves around the world. studies that took blood sweat tears and PTSD to produce, only to be appreciated by other researchers looking to find a citation to back up their assertions or fill out a literature review. the project of psychology is not complete without regular people regularly using psych studies to improve their lives as well.
let that be a judgement of all those pure research psychologists out there who look down their noses at applied scientists. then again it's probably a good idea not to be too keen about applying much of it yet as its still such a disorganised, unintegrated field.
wil
Each of us can claim 100th percentile when it comes to being who we are.
Don't forget to focus on your strengths
As my 7th grade English teacher used to say "To know that you know what you know and that you do not know what you do not know, that is true knowledge."
I think Jackie nailed it. It's a waste of energy to compare yourself to someone else. You either believe in yourself or you don't. I hate the curve that we are judged on in college. Who cares. You either learn or you don't. You either excell or you don't, but in the end what sets you apart is what you did to be incomparable.
Good one Derek! It is excellent because most of us occasionally compare and label too much. Actually, when one lets go of labels and comparisons... we can let go of judgement as well.
Then as it has happened to myself a few times, I see the truth in that each person is great and believe it or not... perfect.
One can certainly learn a lot when one arrives at that kind of clarity.
Steve Bruce
It's a great start for a beautiful morning. thnx
I think you should change your name to
Polonius Bolonius.
Don't you ever get tired of yourself?
Superb read derek. I guess the key here is to do it day in & day out and make it a habit.
In an organizational context, where employees/people constantly get measured [performance, inter personal skills, etc etc], - this could become a challenge as there is measure after measure on how good you are & therefor get conditioned to get better than the others....but if we can get the managers to look at life this way -things will change for the good..thanks derek..anand
I assume I am naive. I assume other people know more than I do.
I also assume I have more confidence in my abilities than I had yesterday.
Therefore I win. AND so do you!
I think this is also called the "3rd Party" phenomenon. That is, for any given problem or issue, a 3rd party is almost always to blame. People will never take personal responsibility.
Have you been reading ZEN MIND BEGINNER'S MIND, Derek?
http://amzn.to/aEu8N8
As a talk show dude taught me from early on; 'there are no extraordinary people, only ordinary people who do extraordinary things' he cited examples like Disney, Ben Franklin, etc.
I've had this attitude from the onset of my 20's, mostly because I am autodidact at everything people think I was trained in. But also because of Kung Fu's impact on my teen years, that show often proved this very point exactly. Laugh at the Grasshopper metaphor if you will...
But I don't focus on it, nor bring attention to it except when others try to elevate me, or, try to put themselves down. In the first case I quickly explain that they could easily do what they are praising me for if they put in the hours I have. In the latter case, I am the one person who will not accept others feeling this way about themselves unless they can grasp the seredipity intact.
It's even simpler, six bullets:
1. I am here to edify through art
2. I do not own my inspirations, those belong to my influences
3. I only own my effort and tenacity
4. If I do something great, it is just as much an accident as if I do something mediocre
5. I cannot edify others if I adulate myself in front of them
6. I allow myself to secretly freak out over my accomplishments because COMPLETION is my aim, not perfection, not popularity, not money. I don't freak out becuase I believe I am great, I freak out because I surprise myself if one of my experiments actually ends up palatable, actually gets finished.
Our band has a song about this on our recent CD where I speak through a cyclon-ish Korg Vocoder about how 'there are no superstars among us' etc.
Not to boast, brag or go BTL but here is the link to that very average song on our very average CD that is only above-average because it exists...not because I did it.
And it is so average, we give it away free to those who need reminded that average is 'the new awesome'...
http://iLike.com/s/9AIJb
[Vocoder Citadel Manifesto]
After you grasp this concept, turn your focus from it and simply
BE & DO -
- anything, caliber be damned...
I disagree- why not assume you're great, and also have beginner's mind. Too much of this culture is either or...assuming you're great means arrogance, and assuming you're not means you must suffer, always be lesser. Your great if you believe your great as a person, but ALWAYS be curious.
dude you are seriously awesome for a below average individual....
Well stated.
I grew by leaps and bounds when I came to the realization that humility and confidence are not mutually exclusive.
Some of the most profound things I've learned were lessons (sometimes uknowingly) taught by those who thought they knew less about a matter than I.
My conclusion at my current stage of life: "beginners mind" is a hard-won state when we reach adulthood. I have decided to cherish and nurture it daily.
To have "beginners mind" is to be empty of "ego". I would define ego as the "face of fear" in oneself. It blocks learning, and creativity and closes channels of growth. I discovered a pleasure in silencing ego so I might truly listen to others and my creative self. It is freedom to decide you don't have to know everything all the time.
Thanks for your wonderful and inspiring blogs, I'd join your "below-average" club
any day!
This reminds me of the saying "the enemy of learning is knowing". As a matter of fact, didn't I get that from you as well ??
:^)
In my case I always think that I am dumbest
piece of shit alive. I maybe extreme but I think that most artists are insecure. They may say they know everything but this just insecurity. Moderation is always key. If your too confident you think you know everything. If your too unconfident like myself you are great at self sabotage. Middle ground is best.
To the degree you value that which you compare is proportional to self esteem related to that skill.
Measuring ones performance in any skill is the hard part for our ego, agreed.
I'm familiar with a principle: [paraphrased]
"Never fool yourself. Always be honest and look at the facts.It will get you farther in life."
Doesn't mean you must accept facts as absolute. But, they can guide you on your journey.
Just read today it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill. And the time taken would seem to depend on the skill(s) of course.
But, how does one define "mastering"? I think people confuse "mastering" something with the rudimentary skills of performing said skill.
If we continually commit to "mastering" a skill then one day we just may be a "master" within our abilities and surprise ourselves and others.
Ran into a guy a couple days ago whose brother has been a dedicated writer for over 20 years, published and all. He was happy to receive some accolades for his efforts in the way on a Nobel Piece Prize nomination for one of his books.
But, would he keep writing without the nomination? Most definately. He writes for purpose, not awards. How many people strive to work with purpose? I'd say a majority do not.
Comparing oneself to past measured performance seems a better gauge than comparing oneself to others, damned be where we fall on the bell curve.
Enjoyed this post, thanks.
"Statistically,life expectancy of untreated cancer patients is greater than treated ones"Hardin Jones,MD,Former President of the American Cancer Society.
Hardin obviously had the proof,but as the ancient proverb goes,"He who speaks the truth needs a fast horse".
Mmmm I could say so much on this one but will keep it short. My parents always said everyone was better than us and I never used to win or be tops at anything. After going out to work I found it was a lot of people just thought or portrayed they were better than us. So much is in mind thought on how we are and show ourselves.. I have seen some extreem accademics that can pass any exam but they cant even put a nut on a bolt. Anyway loved the topic you set today Derek. Becoming a student of life I totaly agree its soooo good to be able to drop down from thinking your good and listen and learn instead.. My kid is just like I once used to be thinks he knows it all till he goes to do it... Finds it different then.
I'm proud to be humble!
Great point, I feel I have learnt a lot and grown by assuming I am below average, however, to your point, when it comes to doing one must feel the other way, it's hard otherwise to get stuff done.
On the other hand there is something to be said of "fake it til you make it".
John Lennon would rally The Beatles with the back and forth of "where are going boys?"
"To the top, Johnny!"
"To the where?"
"To the topper most of the popper most!".
He also said that he always believed that they were "the best goddamned band in the world". He just happened to be right...
I know for a fact that I am the very best, incredible, fantastic, me there is.
Amen to that brother!
"Maybe it's a focus of doing versus learning?"
Bingo! I've worked hard to put others in the forefront, to listen more and talk less, to act as servant.
I've reached the point, though, where I need to switch from consumption and learning mode to production and teaching mode. To do that as I wish to, I need to assume the mantle of leader, mentor, anamchara eolais, to assume I'm at the top, not in the bottom half.
I think it is one thing to know your position along the innate ability distribution and another to think you know everything and are superior.
I personally feel that I'm ahead of the pack in my ability to learn. If you can teach it, I can learn it (for the most part). I'm recently finding others don't feel that way, whether it be innate ability or desire to learn I do not know. I myself have found interest in the most mundane of courses and love school. I typically assume the average person could do the same if they had the drive, I don't feel like I'm anything special, outside of an insatiable thirst for answers.
But despite a capacity to acquire knowledge I don't feel at all more advanced that some fool who is especially adept in a particular area. Everybody has something they can teach someone else.
To me most of it is how much you really care and how much you pay attention, if you have interest and expose your brain to interesting things, it will make the necessary connections. At least I believe this is true for 80% of the population, certainly there are some people that have insurmountable deficiencies which hinder them, but for the average person I think it's a matter of drive and motivation.
Ok seriously I mentioned the 10,000 hours to master a skill to this chick an few hours ago and came across the Dunning-Krueger effect a few months ago, what's this site all about????? I think I like this crowd...
I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing. - Socrates
Derek,
If you are below average, then I am pond scum.
I aspire to become average.
For me the key to this is "Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all."
Stop comparing yourself to others AT ALL - there's the cure for inaction and the road to happiness. Just doing something IS an accomplishment...comparing yourself to the majority (average) or the minority (genius) is a stifling waste of time.
Live - be who you are, explore the gifts you've been given and fearlessly share your gift with others.
That's interesting! I am aware of the fact that I'm below average in certain areas (like my direction sense) and notice that I'm not at all good at intuiting or being aware of a group dynamic, or how a group is feeling. But I do assume I'm above average in other areas... and thus become so. At least I hope that is the case.
But this reminds me of the Desiderata, or these lines in it: "If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
Thanks for the insights. I can relate.
There is a difference between low self esteem and energetic humility.
That is: the desire to learn in spite of ego. This takes energy whereas low self esteem saps energy.
Derek--loved the post, simple and humble concept. Whenever start feeling "above average" I know that anyone can be replaced, any actor can be recast, any musician can be subbed out. So I do my best to practice gratitude, work hard, and venture out of my comfort zone. I assume that I'm not the best, the brightest or the most talented, but hard work and persistence will pay off, and I will learn the way as I go. Thanks for all your inspiration, your posts percolate in me for days!
I think the best policy is to believe that you have the potential to be the best, but that you can learn from anyone and everyone, and to maintain a sense of humility in light of the vastness of human knowledge that any individual does not possess. We are all a piece of the puzzle, and to take joy in the continual attempt to solve it together is to appreciate life and community.
Seems like whenever I feel I understand something or believe something I want\have to let it go, reject it, out of fear I might not be able understand or believe something else. ...like I'm trying to be ever further below average in understanding...to de-understand..to get away from it. Certainty seems a kind of luxury I will likely never again know, a mystery..something safe but which means the journey is over. It's tiring though, and I wish it would be over sometimes.
I reject your reality...and substitute it with my own.
derek
i will piss on your feet.
love
ian
a cure for athletes foot
As I get older I ask more questions now my friends tell me I ask to many questions - I've always lived with humble confidence but there's always the ego that creeps in-which I think is the ultimate challenge of balancing your life - the fine line between confidence and conceit
99 comments and nobody mentions the cooler name for illusory superiority? The Lake Wobegon Effect: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Wobegon#The_Lake_Wobegon_effect
This pretty much sums up the conclusions I've made in my own self awareness in the last couple years. This is the best post yet.
Your blogs are great.
This one is very inspiring to me in this current phase I'm going through. Thank you.
Everyone is same in my book no one is better than any other.
Everyone is unique.
Everyone is special in their own way.
100% of statistics are questionable.
-- Derek
though lovely when used metaphorically, instead of for accuracy
Excellent post! I believe it is very important that we all remember how ignorant we are (not stupid).
Interestingly, I published an article yesterday entitled, "I Don't Know What I Don't Know" ... very short read but I think it complements your post nicely:
http://www.vernonblake.com/2010/07/i-dont-know-what-i-dont-know-2/
Great way to get across 'humility' Derek.
Keep up your fabulous perspective on a different reality.
In the performance world, being larger-than-life is what many people pay to see. But just because you can nail larger-than-life as an illusion, does NOT make it so.
Thanks for this post, Derek, it really is solid.
So you're assume that you're above average in the category of assumptions about one's averages.
One the one hand, I don't want to call someone falsely modest, but on the other, that tag fits awfully well.
This doesn't mean it's wrong, and I think it a useful intellectual exercise to assume one is "below average," but one that seems... unlikely.
It's just my personal opinion, but I think your posts are definitely above average. I try to keep from judging others since I haven't walked in their shoes, and I'm not really interested in being a statistic - above average or not.
Actually this is a huge relief!! Since I was a kid (4 or 5 years old) I was told I had "superior" intelligence ("way" superior) and that I was "under-achieving" -- which I knew even then I was doing, on purpose, because I wanted the other kids to like me. Believe it or not I am relieved to be able to relax and "feel average." I've been sabotaging myself and my career all my life because as much as I've wanted success, I've feared people might resent me for it (irrationally so). Phew!!! This is a beautiful piece (and also, I have not been particularly smart about a LOT of things, as you can, I hope, tell!!). And no one is perfect (!!) I think I'm a great driver but the people handing out the speeding tickets would probably not agree. Et cetera. Seriously thank you for this liberation. As you said, Derek to the first poster, everyone needs to feel confidence at some point; but now, in what I hope is development, I feel the need to "feel small" as you say -- get "inner" and quiet -- and I think that is where the magic comes from, deep within (all of us) -- Namaste.
here's the thing. what's so freaking great about being above-average anyway. even if you are - so what? the real "broken" idea is that being above average should be a point of pride. why is "average" the bar? being proud of being "above average" is like being proud of being born, or being proud of having two feet and ten fingers. it is silly.
Why be better or worse, can't you just be you?
Hi Derek,
Interesting article, this, in my opinion is the reason so many people become so arrogant. It is important to step out of the box every now and then!
you make philosophy fun
Assuming you are below is never being foolish, inferior or portraying a lack of self confidence. It's just a sweet humble character which is such a great discipline to put on. Truly speaking, not all can do that. I totally agree with the student mindset. It's a mindset for the great. The bible tells us to stay in humility, considering others better than ourselves, (Philippians 2v3). And to keep on pressing forward to take hold of that which Christ took hold of us (Philippians 3v12). So we are learning throughout this life with the attitude to strive to know more, to be the best, to discover more, through a humble spirit that considers oneself not as better as or more than the others. What is more Derek!
God bless
Sounds a bit like Bruce Lee when he talks about "emptying your cup". How can you learn anything new if you already think you know it?
Really? Tell me more.
That was well said Derek, and it puts things in perspective. Thanks for sharing.
Fantastic discussion Derek
as always. You open our minds to retract our thoughts and thinking at the best of times. These are my thoughts that came to mind.
Do not allow people to Label you. Labels can hold us all back forever, when somebody has convinced us that we are no good, we make too many mistakes, you don't have what it takes, you are too short, or you are to disabled or sick to meet the challenges in your goals and visions.
Well, take off those labels and shake the dust off. Dynamite comes in small packages. Wear your label and be proud and get on the high, because later down the road those labelers will be calling you boss.
Quotation from Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel you are inferior without your permission”.
When you keep your mind focused it is just like greasing the pan, to make the cookies and allowing the new label to stick.
Don't worry about the labelers they have so much turmoil and when you are down they will keep you down, because many people believe the labelers and don’t believe in their abilities and themselves, then suddenly the Light shines the truth about them.
Being a Cancer Victim myself, I never focus on the drama and what people think, but many labelers think I am contagious and they may catch it, including family members, so those people hide behind closed doors, and don’t ring anymore. So I labeled myself “I am able but not disabled” and “I am not a know it all because if we knew it all then we would not be required on this planet”.
Don’t plant a seed of impossibility, it is like a curse, plant the seed of possibility and reach for that dream or vision whether we are below average or not.
Derek, how did you recognize the moment when feeling above-average stopped serving you well?
Do you know at what age that moment usually comes?
Only when I tried on the other way of thinking. When I thought, “What if I'm in the bottom half?” and I liked the way that felt. -- Derek
What a great post, Derek. Doesn't matter if it's true or false or if I agree or don't agree -- it's just a really interesting thought to consider. Thanks!
I think the illusory superiority can be also a form of intuitive survival so to speak.
Most of us - I think - go about life not really aware that we are dying day by day.
We don t think we will get cancer ( somebody else maybe) . Call it denial, call it ignorance ( as opposed to enlightenment) call it illusion....
...I 'd call it " the shields" ( ...in Star trek the laser-beam that protects the Enterprise from destruction)
Whatever works baby, anb Beam me UP Scotty!
That picture is wrong! There IS NO SPOON!
"I now just assume I'm below average."
whoa boy. are you now advising your loyal readers that it's good to assume ?
it's my and I beleive from reading some of your previous blogs also your experience that assumption can lead to unexpected and unwanted outcomes.
"Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all."
I have to constantly fight this, particularly when it comes to making music. Thanks for another thought-provoking post Derek.
Hi Derek, as a teacher one day I thought, "Ah, I get it! I know how it works! The result: I was a very poor teacher for the next few weeks until it dawned on me I'd become less aware of the students and what they were doing. I had my little "system" and was plugging it in all over the place, and wondering why there was so little reaction, change, progression, etc. It taught me to be very cautious with "systems". Since then I start each day with the reminder: "I know nothing." Hope you're having fun. jpt
Crazy Horse was 35 when he died a noble death and always chose to be what he wanted to be. He went down fighting against the prejudice of the times. Indian identity and the honor they cultivated is a lost art of living. Why compare ourselves to eachother ? Labels like average, above or below really don't exist where there is understanding and oneness.
...hope than now, after having read Derek's article, I can state that "I was one of those fat and greasy biased people...really hope!"
ciao from Italy
It's interesting that half the people reading this will in fact be below average.
The other half, like me, will in fact be above average
Thanks for your thoughts, dear Derek. I come from an older family that assumes te be highly intellectual and special. Since ages. With this attitude even myself often oversaw important impulses from others, because these people just didn´t count. The result was: stagnation and disappointment. So now I try to change my aproach to my fellow men. I just want to be a part of them. Not higher or lower than them, just a normal part.
I see no reason why recognising own limitations cannot coexist with self-respect. Like everything else in life, it is a balancing act.
Great Post.
Though I do think there is a value to "sike-ing" yourself out as better, even decieving yourself to some degree to achieve that extra "umph" of greatness. (Athletes do this often before a match to get that little extra.) I feel we need to know when to shift gears from playing-peacock and just be present and real.
On the flip side, maybe it is the over-inflamed ego of illusory superiority that hinders us from truly listening, empathizing and connecting with others, our children or anyone that seems to live their lives in a different way. Without that connection, others are more likely to feel isolated, angry, and generally more compelled to act out in a negative way. (A few news stories come to mind)
But then again, I'm not 100% sure, just trying to discuss, listen and learn. As this is my first post, I'm gonna say I'm below average at this. Am I doing this right Derek?
I love this - "Most people are so worried about looking good that they never do anything great.
Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all."
It's so so very true that this does represent a crippling paralysis, it's a hard thing to do to get into the mindset that you have a big L plate on your forehead (metaphorically) with regards to the things you meet in life. Most of peoples view of themself is wonky and comprised of an overcompensation for some shortfall they feel inside.
I don't know much , but i know that nothing great can come from a person who's full up of arrogance and assumption about everything.
Oddly i'm writing a new song right now about 'spiritual obesity' called Humble pie an this has given me a new slant on it so thanks for that D
simon
Humility is a positive attribute to foster in ourselves for sure Derek
I've seen "average". I've seen "normal". Both are what give us wars and the perpetuation of man's inhumanity to man. I'll have none of either, thank you very much.
I've ALWAYS consciously worked with musicians who are w ay superior than I am. I've done it for years, still do. It's helped me learn and improve a lot. Above all, it's the ego in check.
So thanks D for showing me that it's ok to do things this way too
I must say, it takes pressure off, doesn't it? Pressure to be greater than you are in the moment. Pressure to be greater than others. Pressure to live up to appearances. What I think about this lovely point that you've made, and it really suits me well this a.m., is that holding this on the inside is the mark of a lot of great human beings. Projecting confidence is a survival technique and tactic that a lot of achievers know well, too. I'll never forget the advice of a very lovely, genuine and charismatic friend of mine from Beirut, Lebanon. Never confess your weaknesses. I'm sure that 'never' doesn't really mean 'never'. But while you can humbly know what they are, there is merit in actually living from your strengths, and projecting them. Funny...psychology.
Thank you, again. Great little call to do a self-check.
LL.
Derek,
To my viewpoint, you've hit the nail again! I relate to what you said, specially the last two phrases in bold. The thing is, as usual, to put it into action. Life delude us pretty easily, so we need some lighthouses (such as your writings, and others) to keep us remembering on how life actually works behind the curtain of our misleading believes.
I can appreciate this way of thinking; it used to be a way of life. One caveat - It's not the best state of mind to have when trying to self-educate yourself on the topic of computer science/software engineering.
I am just a humble songwriter.Over the years rejection has made me feel below average.So i guess i must be.I wait for people to tell me if my song is good or great.
Great, great article! This is not about humility, or modesty or anything like that, it's about pragmatism - the smartest way to go through life is with a student frame of mind. The best thing we can do about ourselves is to keep learning until we're 6 feet under. And you just can't do that if your presumption is that you already know all you need to know. Self-satisfaction is certainly the beginning of the end...
A few years ago I had a similar experience reading a Buddhist sutta. The Buddha said that it was a mistake to think of yourself as the superior to, inferior to, or the same as anybody else.
That flipped my head right out. But then it loosened me up and I got a glimmer of what it would be like simply to be myself, unencumbered by comparisons.
And that made me feel clever and wise. Cleverer and wiser than most people.
D'oh!
I think your point, as commented somewhere above, was about 'being humble', but 'being humble' is about sincere internal attitude or mindset. If it takes statistic to show where you stand, then it is external. A 'humble' person is not the same as a 'humbled' person. I know because I'm often the latter.
I suggest we look inside, instead of to statistic.
Cheers
Very good points. Listening is a gift we shouldn't take for granted.
This is the ego rearing it's ugly head again. The assumption is that we want or should want to 'do something great'. This is an ego-based desire. We should be happy to just be, to be fully present without doing or achieving anything.
Haha! I don't think that is really what you feel about yourself,Derek.(false modesty)
I love psychology too, maybe you can write something about the opposite effect:"When someone feels inferior, why making the effort?".
In USA the educating system is about "confidence", telling kids they could be whatever they want. So you feel that the greener pastures are in the other side.
I came(and a very big part of the world) from the other side, "you are not good enough", "there is always someone better than you, so better if you only do what is "secure".
I came from a Cristian catholic society in witch pride is sin.
Real questions:
"Why trying to make a better browser (google)?, do you honestly think you both can compete with an established company like Altavista. You are kids, you don't have real world experience.
"Why trying to make an electric car?(Tesla) If this were a good idea, GMotors wouldn't had canceled their electric car. You think you are smarter than them?"
"If I had known how much effort Latex or TAOCP would take I would had not started them". Donald Knuth.
I can fill 20 pages of american successes that root on their personal arrogance. Sometimes you need to be a confident fool.
I had created a voice recognition software because I thought I was better than anybody else at understanding speech years ago. I don't know if I'm smarter or just the only fool that decided to work so hard on an unproven(and maybe unprofitable) task.
I know for certain that I'm above average in some aspects and I'm willing to admit that I'm well belove in other.
After having admitted that, I can focus on those things I excel at and try to improve those that need improvement.
Your point is well taken, Derek. Thanks for the insights. Would that we all strive to be students in all that we do...
Best,
Haidn
Great article, Derek - always enjoy reading your pearls of wisdom!
I think it's important to distinguish between quiet humility and blatant self flagellation. The former engenders determination to keep learning and improving while the latter convinces those around you of your sense of inferiority.
Back in the mid-eighties I worked for Kevin Godley & Lol Creme at their production company medialab. One of their mantras, and something I've never forgotten was "Just think we're back at Art College and this is a project." For me it took away a lot of the pressure of working with those guys and trying to follow some pretty big projects plus it kept us focussed on the present task and kept everything fresh. Take a look at those videos - it worked!
Why compare?
Ok Derek just finished lyrics for new song & since this post was a part of thatprocess think i'm gonna stick some of it up here for anyone that likes that kind of thing.
Humble pie
Answers please - an if you're up on your feet
shake them in a strobe light on an A4 sheet
What's the real feeling overall that you get
if i tell you something you don't know you've not heard yet
like concrete boots are comfortable before they set
low fat dishes an the meaning of life
dingy bedsit sticky carpet takeaway wife
once you were an animal but now you're a fly
an all because you wanted more - that's humble pie
if they say you can't get fat on that - you know it's a lie
To quote Elvis Costello, Wasn't it a millionaire who said imagine no possessions?
Brilliant, Derek! (below avg. brilliant?) Giving myself permission to try without expectation of the outcome has helped me live a fuller life. Very interesting comments!
Yea... and the older I get the more I answer questions with: "I don't know."
A tremendous concept of thought, very humbling. I don't think even you realize
how blessed you are becoming. One day after I had a heated debate among my classmates in High School, my Teacher told me that the biggest problem that I would have in life, was that what I thought was common sense, wasn't common at all.
I wonder what % of people who read statistics think they are accurate?
The best teacher is a constant student. If one can find the balance between humility & confidence success is bound to happen. True success is doing what you love & fulfilling your purpose. Great art is made to inspire the common man.
Thanks Derek, I really enjoyed this one. Why most people don't want to ask guestions is beyond me. The best way to get better at something is to surround your self with subject matter experts, keep your ears open and ask tons of questions (at the right time, of course). I like not presenting myself an expert on subjects,even if I happen to know a bit on the matter. That way mentally I'm ready to learn. Thanks for the time you put into helping strangers be better people.
Okay Derek, good point, but what about when you have statistical data to PROVE that you're superior (say, test scores for intelligence) and everybody tries to tell you that you're a moron or that the opposite of your empirical data is true? What then?
If you just assume that they are right, (or assume that you're below average based on their input) you've allowed them to strip you of a very real accomplishment, all because they didn't want to admit that you were right.
Not a very "zen" point of view, I know. Still, I find it frustrating that people are so willing to overlook facts as long as it makes them feel better about their own position in the world.
Brilliant, Derek - I'm surely going to work/play with this and share it with many. Thanks again for being-here-now.
What an above average thing to do....
In chinese ancient philosophy, they take examples of mountain & sea, one is at top, one is at bottom, which one is greater?
the nature's way is going lower, lower, long journey to be humble & great. starting from little mountain creek, rush with big noice, down to the sea level, along the way, accept more and more, then it arise again...
Hi, Derek,
Kenny Werner's book, Effortless Mastery, teaches you to think of yourself as a master, as very great, and to go through life as if everyone else is also a master.
At first I resisted this because it seems the opposite of humility. But if you decide that being a master DOESN'T mean you have nothing to learn, it frees you up. Instead you decide you have nothing to prove to anyone. Then you spend your life being respectful of other people who have nothing to prove to you!
Love,
Adam
Knowing and recognizing the need to balance both mindsets is also important; both/all mind-frames serve you completely. You will go back to the former as the cycles come round. I think intuition plays the role in knowing and feeling when the mment is right to adopt the opposite POVs. Thanks Derek.
Is it because we are so hung up on success that people need to see themselves as "better" whether they are or not? Perversely, that same desire to be (seen as?)successful cripples some people from doing anything? Society's values would have to change for people to comfortably approach life saying, "I'm below average".
Average is an undesirable trait. The fact that people want above average children and that it's not really okay to be average makes me think I'm right(?). I wish people weren't so critical and self conscious as a society, and that children could learn: "I'm unique and whatever I am is good", and then pursue their interests with sincere enthusiasm whether they wind up being "the best" or not, thinking, in effect, 'It's about me!". And of course, perversely, success would come more easliy that way. Even competion should be more about the joyful attempt to be best, not a dismal feeling of failure if we aren't.
Lots about the theory of illusory optimism in Wiki, though none of it terribly clear. The phenomenon or it's opposite is there no matter how the study is conducted. I think any attitude that makes us approach life with an open mind has to be good, so I like the blog opinion more than the studies.
As I was reading this post and it conjured up the Kenny Rogers tune "Than Gambler". "you've got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em..."
I never thought a somewhat negative mindset could be helpful BUT I think you are on to something. Would you say both mindsets are helpful in certain situations and both mindsets are hurtful in certain situation?
It's a funny thing this "above average" business. I read about it for the first time in the book "How we know what isn't so". I can really recommend that.
But just one question to the author: By thinking you are below average, doesn't that make you somewhat feel you are above average?
No where is "illusory superiority" more apparent than when watching American Idol. Too funny.
I totally agree on this mentality and I've used it in my every life. I'm a programmer/networker as well as a martial artist, and every time I study a new language, or selfdefense technique, I try to stay in the mind of a beginner, that way I'm not assuming how to do something and just learn it for what it is. Some days you have to sift through some crap from people who think they know everything, but it's worth it in an attempt to stay humble. Great post.
-Erik
Very cool thoughts, especially: "Most people are so worried about looking good that they never do anything great. Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all."
Being Interested vs. Being Interesting. When meeting new people, I agree with you that it is far better to Be Interested than to Be Interesting. Listen, learn. There's a lot to be learned from others.
For myself, I KNOW I'm a beginner in many aspects of life, but in certain facets of life, I KNOW I'm not a beginner and actually have valuable life experience and hard-won knowledge to share.
There's a balance: Listen, learn, speak, share.
This reminds me of my favorite quote ever:
brilliant -- Derek
"Think of how stupid the average person is... and realize half of them are stupider than that." -George Carlin
Well done, grasshopper.
As long as we keep dwelling in the past or keep being megalomaniacs, our exalted position in the future which we could occupy by learning more, remains vacant - because we think we know enough while we understand nothing.
Hi Derek,
Just last night my son called to say he had a 3.6GPA as he finishes his Master's Degree. He's working like a dog to make it happen and he's proud of himself as I am too, but it made me think again about society and how everything is leveled which is where the term "average" comes in. Average, below average, above average are all comparisons and I am moving toward seeing the sameness in people. And....believing God is in us all with everyone having the same potential, we are so beyond above average it blows the mind!!
Kudo's D.S.
It's gonna take me a lot of reminders to install this method in my memory bank and dumb down my ego,but "E.G.O" means Edging God Out, doesn't it!!
Like my speaker monitors, I'll make room to BOOM!
Cheers,
ChAnGeR -
Tha Single Father HipHoppa
I think there's a line that you have to draw between being confident in your abilities and overestimating them. Like Dirty harry once said, "A man's got to know his limitations..."
You don’t believe it… no one does.
Those statistics you gave bare it out.
Assuming you’re dumber than everyone around you, when you’re clearly not, will be interpreted as false humility.
With songwriting, becoming bias has always been my problem.
Thinking a song or some part is better than it is OR worse than it is!
My solution... step back... work on something else.
Give it a week... a month, whatever it takes to get your head out of your...um... sandbox!
(Singing)"What the world needs now, is love, sweet love...'
...with a dash of humility to take away unnecessary and unfounded beliefs that we are somehow better than others.
It's one thing to be gifted with abilities, it's another to flaunt them. My point here is that average is ok sometimes...we don't always have to be above average in order to succeed. I'm guess I'm speaking about people with whom I, and are called'developmentally disabled'...awesome folks.
Life isn't a contest...it's a journey...a beautiful journey to find ourselves, find each other and form relationships, and to discover those 'wonder-full' gifts.
The rather fascinating addition to this phenomenon that I have noticed is that many people also see themselves as "different" from other groups. I have heard things like "I'm the black sheep of the family" etc. Its having to build up the ego constantly that drains the energy we should instead be using for taking action and creativity. Or just rest of that's what we need. Again, wonderful content mate.
Re: Derek "ask lots of questions"
not try to teach anyone, just your words remind of me stories i read and experienced:
an old master gathering his best students to select his successor. he said the best question proposed win the position.. then students one by one to ask best question that would reflect their wisdom inside.. until last student, master said : "what's your question?" the student said : master, i have no question to ask. ..the master passed the power to him.
have you experience something like this: a big question in mind for decades, but no one can give you the answer, you have to answer to yourself...
"after i finished my study/work at uni,i asked my 10 years old son to help me together moving all my heavy books into the car. when i sit in the car, my mind lost into deep thoughts... then my son open his own carton's book, using his pen highlighten few stories he interested to show me.. and he said: mum, why you always asked me some very deep questions? I think humanbeing very stupid, always want to fight..." i just read my past diary few days ago. now he've graduated from the same uni...
Damn son, you kicked over an anthill with that one! Shrinks make a nice living nudging people back toward the center.
I don't believe in relative intelligence. Einstein could've been a plumber or a grocer. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time with the right equipment. Nobody is stupid. We are all learning all the time. I've never made a mistake in the mindset of a student. I only screw up when I think I know something to begin with. Thanks for reminding me Derek.
Love it, Derek. Travel well.
I chose to respond to one of your statements, which struck a chord so to speak with me. “Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all.”
Truer words were never spoken. I cannot tell you how many creative people I know who have various works “in process” for years and years but they never get finished because the works never seem good enough.
I know of one individual who has been recording his solo record for so long that the type of music on the CD is dated and no matter how good it is, no one will ever want to listen to it. I know of another person who has been writing his book forever and it will never get finished because it will never meet his ridiculously high standards.
The most difficult thing about creating art, music, writing or that matter any creative endeavor is being able to say that something is finished. Every time I listen to a song that I have written and recorded I think of things I could have done better. Every time I re-read a book or story I have written I find something about it that I want to change. But the key is to accept that this ongoing dissatisfaction a simple fact of life and understand that if something is never finished then others will never get to enjoy it.
Those of us who are willing to accept that we might be average (or below average) and are not the greatest artists to ever live, understand that everything we create, no matter how good we believe it is, will look flawed to us in hindsight. The more we do, the more we learn and the more flawed past works appear. It is just the nature of the beast.
I encourage people not to seek God-like perfection. Instead, do the best that you can with what talents and gifts you have available and make sure you finish the project. Then move on to the next project and don’t look back.
Thinking and feeling like you are in the "bottom half" sounds like the best motivator I have ever heard of. Magnificent as ever Derek. Thanks!
I am what I am and you are what you are. Thinking about comparisons above or below average either way is hurtful to being your best.
Dammit! There go my illusions again.
Oh wait... that's a good thing.
I like the thought that it is okay to be in the bottom half. WAY less pressure down here!
I would add to your phrase and say " I Assume I'm Below MY Average"
I try to value the importance of my past success as experience for my future journey. Arrogance believes it knows how the future will turn out, and it's always good. I've learned to work for the best, but never believe that I know what that is with in me. My fear of giving up keeps me going towards the great unknown.
What slows many people down, or even stops them from succeeding at their ambitions, is the self definition of their journey's end. Why go see a movie if you know how it ends.
One of your pass blog entries about not telling others of your ideas or ambitions too much leads to boredom is what the problem really is.
Thanks for the continued inspirations
I don't know, for some time I think I'm above average, some time I think I am below averege. My feelings about myself go like sinus wave.
There's a little saying of mine I try to repeat to myself frequently - "The hardest thing to learn is that which you think you already know." Thanks as always, Derek!
I don't believe my IQ is high. (I've never had any interest in having it tested.) I don't assume I know more than others but I always give my 2 cents in case someone hasn't looked at a situation from my perspective and it could benefit them. I try not to negate another's beliefs or confidence because I believe we all have a knowing of what serves each of us best and if they're wrong, they should come face to face with that instead of going head to head with me. It makes them stronger and our relationship stronger in the long run.
I just believe that each person I meet has something that I don't in the way of knowledge and experience and I try to respect it in others and in myself. That's the only assumption I try to make.
ah....fantastic. I needed a good laugh and the title itself produced that delight.
perhaps humility plays a part....as useful as a sense of humour.
I realised long ago that I'm very average in many respects and ....hey....that makes me human.
There are surely more than a few songs to be found in that limitation.
Cheers
thanks for sharing your thoughts, me in the first place, but all below average and the WWW really need this reminders !
bests
You write what I am...what I think...this is what I am assuming of myself from the very beginning and when I sit down and compare myself to others, I find I have evolved better than others, I am in a better position than most others..simply because I live assuming these things..You have expressed it in words...
I think this brings up a very interesting point, as well as a question for me: If most people are below average, then how is one to know if they are actually above average?
This approach seems to invite humility. Does it work out that way? dls
Thanks Derek, beautiful thought.
I'm glad you're still posting interesting, spiritual and human topics. Since you left CD Baby I think the concept has changed a lot. I don't feel like a special musician anymore. Now when I receive newsletter from CD Baby I don't identify anymore. It has lost its human dimension. I miss your concept. God Bless you always and bring you prosperity and joy. Patricia
Well... that's certainly a new way of looking at things. Thanks, Derek - I'll have to try this.
"Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all."
It's only 1pm, and I've talked to two of the most talented people I know today. Both of them have trouble finishing projects. My aunt calls the problem "analysis paralysis."
Derek, great thoughts, man! I love hearing from you. I know you're into religion & philosophy so this one reminds me of a biblical principle (Phil. 2:3-4) "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Be well, friend. Thanks for writing...drew
When you're young, you think you know everything. When you get older, you might have more bits of knowledge than when you were younger, but you also realize how much there is out there that you DON'T know. And that makes me feel pretty dumb sometimes.
When I've worked in restaurants, it's always a bad sign when you're training someone who says, "Oh, I know all that!" because it means they're not listening to you or trying to learn. I'd rather train someone who admits ignorance and pays attention.
(Although, for some reason, when I actually perform, thinking, "I'm so great, I'm so cool" actually helps me stay focused on the song without getting distracted. Not sure why...)
I like this idea because it helps people who have trouble with self-worth by saying it is okay that you won't be the very best in your field...you just do what you are capable of doing or learning. So it gives everyone a place to fit in.
Pity the poor bastard who feels he/she must be the best at everything they do.
GREAT! Thank you! Just what I needed.
HI Derek..hope this finds you doing great..I love this subject..I have been playing and composing piano music for 44 years now and I always feel like a beginner. I've never felt better than another person. Even beginners teach me lots of things. Staying humble keeps you in the realms of all possiblities..God bless, Mark
Best post so far! Great work! I guess the travels did you well! Does this mean you are ready to start listening?
Devin
A smart strategy. It gave you enough humility to learn more. Other people know stuff we don't, regardless of how smart we are.
Zen indeed!
Its good in general. However, I'd be careful where to use it. Underrating yourself can lead to less confidence on your ability and can be a real differentiator in certain situations.
Humility is a good state of mind. But I'd never sacrifice on my self-esteem and confidence.
But, good post. thanks.
My good friend, Jean Chu gave me some very valuable advice about men "If you want to be smarter be dumber." We are in the Matrix, I call it the "Fear Matrix" and I have found that my own "Illusionary superiority" has been the glue that has held my illusion of separation together creating a life of no possibility in the "I know Mind" - it's a very lonely place.
Being below average is true freedom, it's living life within a ? the wondering "Don't know" mind is a life of possibility, a life of deeply connecting with others.
Have an average day!
Hmmm. I strive for excellence, though I am clear about every weakness I've got.
However, I make sure I don't surround myself with people who think I'm "the best." I make sure I always hang with people who are better at what I do, than I am.
I take classes and seminars from those in the same realm as me. Yes, they are peers in a way. Many were here before me. But everyone knows something I don't know. I want to learn those things.
OK Derek, and I also freely admit that I do the same thing. However, there is a downside to this. What about the situation where you really *are* above average? Maybe the others in the group are looking for you to lead, or maybe feeling that you're not that smart on a given subject keeps you from doing something that you want to do? Or maybe people assume that because you're not being super aggressive or you're asking a lot of questions and taking a more of a "figuring this out" role, that you're a pushover?
I frequently wrestle with this side of it. It's sort of the dark side of assuming you're just the average guy. Keeping your ego in check can have negative consequences, as well.
John
Derek.... can I marry you?.... okay, I'm just kidding... but I just love the way you think. Thanks for sharing
Serina
Human beings have only one thing. Their brain. They use this brain and the thought that it produces to create things in this world. Why would anyone want to think less of what they do, or less of who they are is beyond me.
It's not about phases in life, its about self confidence. Why live if you think your less than the person standing next to you?
Be selfish in life, be egotistical, it will get you farther than anything else in your own mind and life. Don't compare to others, be yourself.
I agree with Beth Isbell (#42)
"Work hard to be great, but remember, there is always someone (or even a lot of someones) who is better."
My mom has always said that...no matter how rich, smart, beautiful, talented, etc. you are...there is always someone who is "-er"
Just be the best version of yourself whether or not that is above or below average.
- dana
Very interesting observation. On the other hand, thought, there's a danger of falling into an opposite extreme: oh, I'm just a humble beginner, you're so much better, so don't judge me too hard... I know some people who thus justify their laziness and insecurity... And Derek, you're right about phases. It's all the matter of what state of mind is more productive at this particular time. Good article
Derek, I just consider myself a work in progress. There are so many things that I want to learn that all require starting at the beginning. All the best.
I'm really glad that the issue of confidence came into this discussion. I agree with you that it can be helpful to see yourself as operating below average. But I think it needs to be tempered with knowing that you're capable of so much more.
The belief that you have the potential and you just need to focus and be open to learning and coaching and you're always looking to grow and be/do better. This keeps us hungry. But the inability to acknowledge our wins and successes and only see how far we have to go can be very debilitating - so it needs balance.
On the evils of this "illusion" - Pride goeth before a fall. The illusion that we're better than others and the need to maintain that illusion leads to great cruelty, arrogance and some of the most heinous crimes - both against other humans, but also against our planet and the other beings on our planet.
Isn't it the belief that we are better than the animals that allow us to perpetrate industrial farming methods?
I will never learn enough!!
Have a knowledgeable day Derek!!!
heh...Rachel
At the beginning of my first senior year in high school ( I had 2), they categorized me as above average. And I've been stuck thinking that all my life. You mean to say, I could have just told myself I was below average and saved myself the last 25 or so years of misery? Boy do I feel dumb.
dereck ,we all learn everyday ,everybody works for somebody else ,no one is indespensable no one is an island ,so mott it be ,so be it, live with the present , new trends. in life you just have to be looking forwards not back wards, see you annon
I looked at the "experiment" link to the 2007 article about "see what happens". That's just beautiful. And I believe the reason this idea can be effective is that it pushes your boundaries....you are facing the fears that kept you bound...not willing to experiment. Bravo!
Although I think, at the same time, the other thing that needs to be addressed is about what you lose when the experiment fails ...and if you can deal with it. That can be a lost sense of security, money, a stable job etc.
I'm below average and pledge to be so throughout my life
Thanks Derek, amazing revelation!
Do you read these comments? There are so many. I try and accept that I am me. I like who I am, and strive to be the best my DNA lets me know I can, my spirit to guide with others a kin to my way of doing and thinking. It is better to say that you know what you are doing. When does the student become the Master? In natural order of sequence.
Wouldn't those statistics imply that roughly half the people who thought they were above average were right? In other words, if 96% think they're above average, and 50% actually are (by definition), then 46% were correct in their belief, assuming that correctness in one's belief is distributed randomly among the population.
What's average? Hmmm. Average people can't play music the way I do, so I am above average there. BUT... My health is not as good as average, even though I do far more than average to maintain it. I am way below average at paperwork and dealing with complicated financial things, such as a revolving charge account, so I avoid those things wherever I can. Someone much wiser than me once said "Never let what you can't do interfere with what you can do."
I guess the point is that I need to know what I am good at, and what I suck at, so I don't waste a lot of my effort trying to do something I can't really do, when I could be using it much more productively.
Also, even though I am pretty good at playing music, in just about every area that I do this, there are lots of other people who do it better than me, so I still have a lot to learn. For example, I am really good at playing native American flutes, but I personally know a few others who are better, and I doubt I will ever do this as well as Mary Youngblood. On the other hand, I am good enough at several instruments that I can combine them and make some amazing music using a multitrack recorder. I bought my first multitrack from someone who tried to do this and failed dismally, so I got a deal on it.
It's best to be humble about what you can do, so you can learn more, and be even more humble about the stuff you can't do, so you can ask for help.
Try having kids, they'll put you in your place fast! Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, I'm a Dum Dum Bum
Replace 'intelligent' with 'beautiful'. If 99% of people think they are themselves more beautiful than average, is there a paradox? Is intelligence objective?
waitasec, that's sposed to be from ray jamaica - tabernacle
How's that kid bending the spoon?
Derek I agree with you whole heartedly. Humility over Arrogance.
Although, there are some pretty bad drivers out there...
I view the other human being as a profound mystery, and try to find out what knowledge or talent they have that I lack. They are like a collection of brilliant jewels, hiding astonishing mystery and beauty within themselves, whether they realize it or not. I look upon others with awe and astonishment, and seek for the meaning of their existence. Without this profound respect for the other, one is not open to receive the gifts the other can offer, and one won't evolve spiritually, but will close oneself off in a prison of egotism and fixed ideas. I disagree with those who profess self love and self respect as an antidote to feeling inferior or ignorant. It may be a necessary step for some to escape from self flagellation, but it is a path that can easily lead to egotism and arrogance, a state that makes it easy to fall into evil, and begin regarding others as tools to serve one's egomaniacal ideas and projects. Forget 'self' and focus on 'other'.
Was passing Abington today from Centre parks- thinking of yoursef schooled there- and radiohead.i was aware something was working that area so long ago-it,s gridding. To acheive something one has to be in a disguise, well craffted similar to a shell or mask to grow into as many possibilities and perspectives. I mentioned cENTRE parks but i was also at Waterloo- Paddington- waterloo- Salisbury-nearly the Cathedral all in 24hrs- oh yes and funeral in London-Sebastians- well known soho artist- never left Soho-This was all in my mind-how we are set up and how we create our own areas and zones.i,m here for music. but recently painted abstract art- i paint catastrophies pre happening-similar to today we stopped to have coffee and missed an accident- i chose "not to eat" due to it being a habit.
FOOD.We do not appreciate how much we use our stomachs to sense food, pain, emmotion and also close up it resembles the brain- it is the same material- it is so not left to right- it is far more complex then this. I also like to mention concerning cancers it is connected to acidity- well also i strongly feel we do not have enough foods that are "cooling". Our breathes all heat up as we age and i have never heard anybody speakith of this. My art is on a level of space debris and crop circles? on a frequency to be expressed in the nearby future.
We look at out feet (acupuncture) head, for vanity- our back side-we have tuck ins- i always look at the skin tone shoulder to arm..anyway w do not consider our intestins or do anything really to calm or cool the motor (kidneys , liver). INTESTINE CLEANSE please don,t worry about good and bad bacteria- it is like saliva- one can never rid it. Colon or intesting cleanse and the blood replensishes. Cleanse and the mind strengthens and an understanding of "ALL" other forms of detox, health concerns feel supplemented. The body self diagnonses.
We live to 90- what is 10 days.
I have a volcano exhibition in the West country soon and will be displaying volcanic bentonite clay absorbing 200 times its own toxity.
Thailand is a good start for cleanse and then anywhere.And as this is music related , art gallery,s is a good place to perform owns creativity and brings alive the walls.A gallery is a live music video- please feel free eth to share this informative and health regulating self gossip-
Excellent perspective Derek! I remember seeing a special on Pavarotti (the late great tenor) about 25-30 years ago...they were doing a special on him and even though he was being recognized as the greatest up and coming tenor in the world at the time, he referred to himself as the "Eternal Student." What a remarkable comment and attitude.
...
What scares me are some of the people I hear about on the local and national scene that are obviously suffering from "delusions of adequacy!"
Very Best Regards,
George
We may not all be above average, but each of us is special and unique...just like everybody else.
Yeah D: You're right on point about being so concerned about looking great to others. Quincy Jones calls it 'The Paralysis of Analysis'. Stay Up my man!!
You speak the truth. It's straight up.
Personally I find that whenever I start to consider myself a good piano player, someone always proves me wrong and I mean 'always'. Whenever I consider myself a bad one, someone always proves me wrong in typically the same way. It drives me crazy sometimes. I find that the simplest solution for myself anyway, is not to consider it a competition and to take help and suggestions as they come. It's all an evolutionary process don't you think?
I've always tried a lot harder during times when I've felt below average, but during times where I've felt above average, I tend to take it a bit easy. I know the below average thing has always worked well for me.
Since this mirrors Zen - here are a few quotes from Shunryu Suzuki:
"In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind there are few"—Shunryu Suzuki
Ask questions; love it! Thanks!
I think the following applies to music as well as Zen...
"It is said that there are four kinds of horses: excellent ones, good ones, poor ones, and bad ones. The excellent horse will run slow and fast, right and left, at the driver’s will, before it sees the shadow of the whip; the second best, the good ones, will run as well as the first one does, just before the whip reaches its skin; the third one will run when it feels pain on its body; the fourth will run after the pain penetrates to the marrow of its bones. You can imagine how difficult it is for the fourth one to learn how to run!
When we hear this story, almost all of us want to be the excellent horse. If it is impossible to be the best one, we want to be the second best. This I think is the usual understanding of the story…If you think the aim of Zen practice is to train you to become one of the best horses; you will have a big problem. This is not the right understanding. If you practice Zen in the right way it does not matter whether you are the best horse or the worst one…You will find the worst horse is the most valuable one. In your very imperfections you will find the basis for your firm, way-seeking mind. Those who can sit perfectly physically usually take more time to obtain the true way of Zen, the actual feeling of Zen, the marrow of Zen. But those who find great difficulties in practicing Zen will find more meaning in it. So I think that sometimes the best horse may be the worst horse, and the worst horse can be the best one." —Shunryu Suzuki
I think that feeling superior in general... you are looking at others and not seeing the strengths from them in which you could draw on. It's not about feeling above or below average, it's just about seeing the whole picture.
Derek, I think you are above average in many ways. But I don't know the majority of people so it would only be an average from the pool of people who I know of and their analytical behavior ;0)
This comment is a response to those who have taken a contrary position in their comments,something more to think about...
I remember reading David Suzuki's great book Genethics many years ago... The book explored the "ethics of genetic engineering", at a time when the science was expanding at a rapid rate. The one thing that has stayed with above anything else in the book is a simply thought he used to explain why he left the field to become a prominent crusader for preservation of the health of our planet. He said and I'm paraphrasing: ;”The problem is scientists spend too much time saying or thinking, look how much we know and not enough time saying, look how much we don't know”... He went on to use the example of all the experiments that geneticists had carried out on fruit flies, scientists could already pretty much manipulate the genentics of the fruit fly at will, they could make fruit flies with three heads or legs growing out heads or whatever... but they still couldn't explain what happens to fruit flies in winter; how and why any trace that they exist completely disappears.
I believe the point in any thinking person's life when they reach this type of awareness and realisation; that they are indeed "below average" in many ways (even if they are at the top of their chosen field) shows great signs of maturity, awareness and balance. This persons mind has remained open and receptive and this actually builds real confidence, rather than false bravado to cover insecurities.
I agree. As a joke I told everyone I know that I am striving to be as mediocore as possible. Lot's of stress has been removed.
I wrote a song about it. It's called "Not Good Enough"
I watch the show "Intervention" and it seems most are putting the blame on others.
I worked for a doctor where many people couldn't take the "pressure" and quit.
It is about trying harder, be smarter, tougher, try, focus, look deeper, and keep trying, accept critisism (does'nt really matter if you agree at the time, or not).... Improve YOURSELF. That is, life.
This blog post me think of this:
"...ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge"
—Charles Darwin
and this from: Bob Dylan: The Recording Sessions, 1960-1994, By Clinton Heylin
"Orson Welles was once asked what happens when one loses the confidence of ignorance. His reply was that one had to ask for the impossible with the same air one did when one didn't realize it was impossible. So much of Dylan's work in the sixties and early seventies had that confidence of ignorance...." The author alludes that a crisis of confidence would have been responsible for Dylan's spotty middle period. If that's the case, on reaching his 30s, Dylan would have realized he wasn't the smartest guy in the world (as you say, Derek, it wasn't serving him anymore...) and he had to evolve to a more humble place, and then reach the same heights or greater heights, which he eventually did.
Great story! and reminded me of a story of a zen master.
Once a scholar came to visit a temple, where he walked around explaining the history of the intricate architecture and the philosophy behind the creation, etc. etc. He then finally came to meet the zen master inside where he asked the master to teach him how to be enlightened. Zen master said nothing, but started pouring tea in the guest's cup, but would not stop even after it was filled and tea started overflowing. The scholar shouted "what are you doing!? You are making a mess!". Then the zen master looked up and smiled "Just as I cannot pour new tea into a cup already full, I can not teach anything new to a head already full".
I believe the point of your story was not about being above or below, but about being clear and open, about having the beginner's mind.
Great conversation, some of the comments were esp. up my alley (Beth for eg.). I like to keep my childlike inquisitiveness alive, i didn't even know i had it until my best friend pointed it out, so maybe i should call it 'innocence'
anyway, it does serve me well as you say. On the other hand, my superiority complex balances things out 
) Being honest and not worrying about judgement as much as possible keeps me on the middle way. It also reminds me to keep MY mind open and not judge others...boy I could go on and on, i see how this works now...
Derek, this is why I love working in a nursing home! On their worst demented day, they "STILL" teach me something about life
!
This reminds me of what Socrates said:
'True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.'
I wonder if it's possible to simply not compare oneself to others (or for it not to matter) instead of having to decide if you're better or worse than anyone to decide how to act.
Also, I'm pretty sure that more than 99% of people have an above average number of toes.
I had to read that a couple times to really get it
lol but It's true! Sounds like "Humility"! As an indie who is constantly promoting the music trying to sell the idea and product it takes a fine balance; one that I learn over and over.
More humility less guitar right?
Assuming you're below average is a great lens if you are willing to work your ass off to become above average.
Socrates says "One thing I know, that I know nothing".
Many different angles of approach for this one Derek, I'll join in with everyone with this:
Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most beautifull of all?
Lack of confidence or over esteem?
Humility is a big step towards wisdom!
Wow - a lot of feedback on this one. Hey Derek!! Is that a famous quote?
Most people are so worried about looking good that they never do anything great.
Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all.
Not that I know of. -- Derek
This is something I struggled with myself, always thinking I was "better". Recently though, I came to the same conclusion and it has dramatically changed how I live my life.
An old thought, you can always find someone much more talented than yourself, and yes, able to find someone less apt. So I guess that puts you somewhere in the middle. Heard somewhere, "...if only the best birds sang the forest would be silent, so of course we have to keep singing....
I am constantly struggling with low self-esteem. I don't think I'm in the control group from whence your statistics came. I have a very difficult time believing in my music or standing up for myself both professionally and personally.
But thank you for your thoughts Derek, I follow you regularly.
When Socrates was offered the compliment that he was the wisest man alive, he scoffed at the idea, stating that he could not be, because he knew nothing--absolutely nothing at all. A sage responded "Yes, and knowing that is what makes him the wisest man alive."
Sometimes I am smart enough to realize how ignorant I am--sometimes I am not.
Humility rocks.
Thank you for another thought-provoking article, Derek. Heck, I didn't play the piano for 3 years because I thought, "what's the point, so many others are doing it better" but when you're passionate about something it will come out in other ways - I began writing songs and singing them with an autoharp. Adding piano tracks to these got me back into playing piano, for joy and not for competition.
Especially rampant among pianists is the tendency to use the piano as a weapon to beat others down in competitions. Lang Lang - who is unquestionably above average - said in his book, "Journey of a Thousand Miles: My Story," that he wasn't able to begin developing his artistry in playing piano until he stopped competing.
Being humble is a far better place to be. It is difficult to remain there(but foolish not to)when you succeed at something that brings the attention and praise of others. If for no other reason than that being humble makes a person a better listener, that should be enough, since wisdom is gained that way.
Derek, that works internally, when making decisions. Somewhat.
But in social settings, where everyone plays power games, and when it comes to women, being overconfident is often the key to success. Timidity can sink you.
If you don't mind me asking, where do you get your statistics from?
Great post Derek - really great post
Great post!
I try living between the extremes. I feel I am above average at a few things, like playing the harp. And I am awed at the way other people do other things, which makes me feel below average. Happily, I am below average at many more things that I am above average at, which keeps me in the student mode. I think its good to be above average at something but to remain in student mode, because when you reach the top of your field, there's nowhere to go but down! As long as you're in student mode, you keep aspiring to something better.
The corollary for me is to delight in being proven wrong--it means I learned something.
Reminds me of something I read in Toshio Sudo's "Zen Guitar": A student arrives at the home of his long-time Zen master and informs the teacher that he believes he's now a master himself, no longer a student. The master receives him graciously, and as they're sitting at tea, asks his guest if, upon entering the master's home, he had placed his umbrella to the left or to the right of his shoes. The younger man does not remember, and realizes he still has much to learn.
I see a massage therapist in the Portland, ME area who exemplifies this mindset. He actually has two careers: massage therapist and violin restorer, both of which he has practiced professionally for decades. And yet, he goes to master classes for each of these disciplines on a more or less yearly basis.
Thanks Derek.
Timothy Burris
Thanks Derek! That thought takes a lot of pressure off and brings me back down into my shoes. Blues venues are getting scarce around here and I think I'm gonna go busking in San Francisco and see what happens.
Humility is required for learning and growing- I absolutely agree with you. I've found that what works best for me is not to worry about what other people can do but to worry only about doing my absolute best. My band has now performed with a nationally touring, long-time American act. Just putting our heads down and doing our best is a good way to go.
Great post. I think the idea of framing is important and related too: the bar you set for yourself determines, to a certain extent, how much you achieve. But adopting a beginner's mindset makes it more possible to meet and exceed that bar.
The more you think about what you wrote, the more it is a loaded topic. A friend of mine way back used to say in French,"Everybody is a star". He meant that everyone is equally important and everyone shines in some moment...in some area;and I do believe that. If we start each day respecting the empty hole and keep all our senses tuned, we can learn a hell of a lot.
Of course,no one is a total genius at
everything. No one should be thinking he/she is the greatest. To learn and grow , one has to keep two feet on the ground and ask questions. It's all about balance in this world. If the
human race was humble , non violent
and loving..."what a wonderful world it would......" Back to reality ! What do you think about competitive sports ? Talent competitions ? Spelling Bees ? It's important that each of us does our best. What's average for one is top notch for another etc etc. There's too much competition in this world.Humans lose themselves..drown themselves in the ego market....take care...luv ya....wichampi.
What is average? Two legs, one head? There is no more than, or less than... There just is. We are all the same. We all hurt, smile, have dreams, a loss. All part of the collective human-ness we all forget. we are all one...
These worried people also do a lot of talking and no listening...well listening...... to the sound of their own voices!! They may look good on paper too...on the surface....with no substance...(in any profession.)
I think people who are working and doing great things aren't really thinking about how they look or sound to the others around them.....because they're busy working and doing great things!!!
Asking questions is a great comprehension strategy!! Keep up the great work!
Well - it is now!
"Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all."
Derek, this quote sums up much of what I teach at my songwriting school and is the cause of many a writer's block!
the point is this: it's our attitudes that are our enemies - whether it's arrogance, self-importance, fear or low self-esteem, it's all missing the point. the point is: don't get in the way of yourself, don't put some idea between you and the immediate situation that you're in - rather embrace it - it could be fun, lead to opportunity, give you something you need or present a chance to give someone else something they will appreciate - it's all good if you're not assessing yourself!
Nice reflection, Derek, but we are all equal. It is just the human being can not stop that competition. We are not here for that. We are here to live. Life is now.
Derek,
I think the 10,000 hour rule applies. You definitely put your 10k hrs into your MBA, whether in college or on the street (where I got mine). For me it was 25+ years building a business from a credit card to a nice 7 figure annual. For you, it was CD Baby.
But we didn't stop there. We also put in 10k+ hrs in music, and we will likely put in 10k+ hours in some other dream before we leave the earth.
(For those who don't recall, the rule is that it takes 10,000 hours to be an expert in any subject.)
I call it living life to the fullest!
You are smart, probably among the smartest on the planet. Its true.
Paul B
"Measurement measures measuring means." --John Milton Cage, Sr. (inventor and father of composer John Cage)
See also your own post of 2009-10-09 in cross-reference: http://sivers.org/grade
Thank you for expressing that so well. I like to think of it as, we all have our innate brilliance to share and we all have a brilliant capacity to learn and understand each other. The teacher learns from the student as the student learns from the teacher. Iam the student and the teacher. Simultaneously. There is always something new and fresh to learn. Thanks for the teaching.
"One good deed surpasses a lifetime of good intentions" Me
Phenomenal post. We're all very blind to our inadequacies.
I recently heard of some high schools naming 50 different valedictorians, just so their students would have a better chance of getting into college.
We crave recognition too much. If we realized how little others paid attention to the minutia of our lives, we might spread our wings more.
wise words indeed
This is probably fine as a kind of "fool oneself" strategy to study, practice, learn, etc.
That is to say, as long as you can also "double think" and know that you are not less than average. For that, you can somewhat rationally assess the measure of your success. You built a company that made tens of millions. This puts you in the top 0.0001% of the world population. Even accounting for luck, you're still well over 50%.
2remain humble and 2 never know it all is afertile place indeed... i am not in control and neither is anyone else.... thank greatness 4 this... what a blessing to live , breathe, cry and laugh out loud... balance and rhythm in all things.... so if we are all gonna die one day, then lets go out doing something only possible while a little health remains... go down swinging 4 real life change... u cannot live 4ever even if u follow all the rules... so be like a bear and roam free if even 4 a day!!!
Feeling superior, inferior, average, ... is just ego trying to prove its existence. Sometimes by punishing you, sometimes by valuing you. "You" being just another side of the ego.
But you are not the ego, nor the thoughts that go through your head, nor the feelings in your stomach.
You are the infinite behind it.
checking myself keeps me balance and i stay humble and it keeps me open to new ideas and things thanks derek
I like, and twitted your article. Nice.
You got a point. But you can only do that with yourself. Because if you take others as they are you make them worth.But if you take them as they should be you make them cabable of becoming what they can be (Gothe).
The kicker for me is not assuming anything about anyone. Assumption is the easiest mistake to prevent. The hardest habit to break. Assumption understandably is something everyone does, I guess could be helpful in safety situations but in 99% of cases assuming leads to generalization, poor understanding and very narrowed decision making. Like the point about asking more questions, be engaged, get to know the person, build a genuine interest and connection beyond any reasonable doubt.
I experienced what true humility is two nights ago when astronaut Bill Anders, who had been to the dark side of the proverbial moon and back, told me that he would love to do what I do with the flute. Here was a truly great man who has had the "right stuff" approach as a student of life, such humility!
Derek - I like the points that you make here.... I think it's about humility. Everyone has something to offer that is unique to them. Sometimes... sometimes.. they have a way to enlighten us or point us in a direction of opportunity that we would never have considered... or help us improve something about ourselves.... but if we believe we are superior... we have cheated ourselves out of improving - why improve when you're already the best.... and we are cheating everyone around us of the respect they deserve for being who they are.
nicely put. my most recent below average experience is "learning" to play the fiddle. I may never gain the competency I desire, but man, I am truly below average among those learning to play the fiddle! thanks again Derek.
Love it! Such good advice - if only it were as easy to follow in times when we need it most. I think "illusory superiority" is the cause of all human maladies - or at least the fear that drives it. Glad I found you via Shlomo! Ta!
I LOVE THIS DEREK.. LOVE LOVE LOVE It.
Humility is everything. I try to think of myself as merely a channel for music, no more. For me it's a relief and very freeing to realise I am not actually that important!
Obviously the music I write and perform is going to please me in many ways above average. That's because it is always vanity publishing; its primary purpose being to pamper me and my sick, brittle narcissism. Only occasionally does something truly musical sneak through that barrier, like a coho through a gill net.
So hearing my recordings is a love/hate rollercoaster ride from the dizzying heights of intellectually masturbatory self-congratulation to the depths of self loathing and despair. All of these experiences are WAY above average because my personality disorders are so many standard deviations from the mean. It's hard for me to hear a classic beautiful jazz piece I adore, without suffering a shame attack for having butchered it on a bandstand, surrounded by great players I had no business sharing it with. Oh, to be able to carry only average or below average shame.
Derek,
Perhaps this train of thought is due to recent/massive changes in your life/style/location/ …environment. You are now communicating and interacting in a new culture and language. Change can highlight new challenges, even in the smallest daily tasks.
Bob
Knowledge is the key isn't it - sharing it is the greatest thing we can do for each other. There's a fine line between sharing knowledge and giving an opinion - I like to think of it as a compliment if someone asks for my opinion. But I will volunteer knowledge if it will help another 'earthling' with a situation I have experience of or with a suggestion of what I might try and let them choose. Why keep the good stuff secret and to yourself we're not here long so we should share the / our experience to make a positive difference. It is a matter of training yourself to look at the positive which becomes habit after a little while.
If I didn't have delusions of grandeur then I would never get anything done.
I'm simply me, but what's that? I spend so much time hiding faults and tending to believe I'm overly good while in fact I'm in need of a good overhaul!
Great way of thinking. Just minutes ago i felt a little depressed because some friends were planning a party without me. (we usually hang out so it's not like i'm a reject)
I called a friend and he told me they were planning to have some beers so he invited me. I felt bad cause i wasn't considered into the party this way.
Now looking from another perspective, this article serves as an advice to enjoy the invitation and stop wasting time asking: if i'm so cool, why didn't they tell me first. Thanks for the tip ;)
Why has no one pointed out that all those statistics could actually be correct (yes, I know they are not).
Do people not know what average means or are is everyone just conflating it with median?
For instance, at least %99.999 of the world's population has higher than the average number of legs.
thanks it's giving me an idea that i'm just not great of a person if things get to my head that i can do a lot and at the end i didn't do much just the same old thing. thanks.
now i need to reboot my ego
When you assume you make an ass out of both of us.
This is an interesting article, but those numbers are off, which pulls everything into question:
If 90% of students see themselves as being smarter than the average student, only a portion (I am unable to identify exactly how big the portion may be) would be completely wrong. So, some people who believe they are smart, actually are smart. So would it not be more important to figure out how smart you actually are, as opposed to trying to pretend you are dumb when you are not?
Interesting article, but i'm the complete opposite. i excel when i'm in elitist mode. Having said that, i can be humble so i do say i dont know when i dont know. i guess that makes mee... average?
I really needed to hear this today. Thanks It helps remind me never to feel ashamed to always be learning.
love your post. very inspiring.
90% of students can be smarter than the average student.
Nothing wrong with that!
On a scale of 1-10, nine students are 10's and one is a 1. The average then is (9*10+1)/10 = 9.1. Nine of the ten students are smarter than this ... so, no contradiction.
Isn't it best to approach every situation as a beginner and assume that you always have something to learn?
I disagree with this idea that one should think that he/she is below average in order to be great,I think whoever came up with this and anyone who believes it is making a terrible mistake by confusing positive thinking with EGO,noone should be advised to think lowly about himself,infact I strongly believe that it is when one thinks that he is great that he manages to keep an open mind and learns new things while those who think they are below average tend to get worse or simply stagnate,I always think that I am great even though I may not be quite where I would love to be,this in turn reminds me alwas that I have a potential to accomplish more and exploit my hidden abilities,I would'nt think that I am average or below average because then I will be setting a very low limit for myself and making it difficult to learn because it will be like a sytem overhaul or like deleting a whole OS and installing a better version while I know that the current one is good enough and all I need to do is upate it and introduce a few components and tools to expand its potential,so positive thinking is the best,think of youself as being great only that you have'nt done enough to unleash your potential.
Many years ago, a cult classic sci-fi book, "Stranger in a Strange Land", was published. In it, the protagonist, raised by an intellectually superior race of martians, uses the phrase common to martians, indicating one's awareness of inferiority occasionally throughout the story. The phrase was "I am but an egg", meaning that the speaker acknowledged his lowly state of development and humility at said aknowledgement.
I can't say I haven't fouled an awful lot of things up when I forget that object lesson, but that has kept me somewhat grounded throughout my life.
You'd just never know that I'm the smartest person I know...
Methinks EVERONE is ABOVE average in One, or More Areas, while being BELOW average in others.
And, I find absolutely nothing wrong, if you have proof rather than mere opinion, in KNOWING you are ABOVE Average because knowing it, does NOT dimish anything said above,
I am 75 and I have had many more varied experiences than most. And as most know, experience equals knowledge.
I know some Tests prove I have a "Gifted IQ" and I have nearly twice the ability to effectively my IQ.
mosst have.
I know I have tested to read at nearly double the speed of most 1950's collage grads and my tested listening skills are four timee better than most. (My spelling and typos not so hot)
Still, my knowing these things does not mean I do not know I am a beginner in some areas or I am, and have been for most of my life, a student.
I search for knowledge and facts every day. I stive to use logic as much as possible while knowing the use of emotion is great in it's proper place.
I focus on present practice and future possibilities, while still considering past accomplishments.
Last, I think there is FAR TOO MUCH
OF it is being either "THIS" or it being "THAT" Rather than it being
Both "THIS & THAT"!
Benjamin ondari said it right.
This is not the right remedy. Yes, a world where more people believe themselves below average will be one with less narrow-minded overconfident jackasses (the true positives) arrogantly proselytizing their way. But we are also going to hear less from the false positives (above averages who believe themselves below average). They will also be less likely to share good ideas, execute those ideas, engage in open discussion, assist others with feedback or tangible contributions, release their outputs or even stay in their field of endeavor.
There are definitely specific traits (some of which you have identified) that most below-average people exhibit that I would like to see adopted by more people. But not ALL of them. I for one think the issue is too complex to summarize into a snappy sound-byte such as 'I assume I'm below average'
Your story reminds me of my graduate school advisor, Gordon Bower. Ranked one of the greatest psychologists ever and recipient of of endless awards and accolades, I literally saw eminent scientists shake before speaking with him. Yet Gordon had this great fondness for asking "stupid" questions that were often quite profound. One favorite question has been, in response to some presentation on a complex human behavior, "What would a pigeon do in the same situation?" He always taught us to give talks as if our 80 year old grandmother were in the audience. Interesting, but don't try and alienate anyone. I suppose when you have his resume, you don't have to worry about looking stupid but I took the lesson seriously.The most important reason to listen is to learn, so if you're going to worry more about how you look than actually connecting to the info or it's source, what's the point!
A quote that helps to balance this article but not contradict it:
“When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.” --Goethe
Humility is required of us all, as humanbeing we are expect to be teachable but when we think more of ourselves then necessary, we become unmanageble. Always we will find greater and lesser persons than ourselves,because we are all uniquely different with both strengths and weaknesses. To be humble is to reflect the creator.
Fascinating insight. It's actually very honorable; you can look at it not so much as degrading yourself but admiring others, as well. After all, no matter how good you are at something, there is always someone better.
Honestly the idea of averages has always struck me as odd. At first I do think I am above average, but then the more I think on it I realize how untrue this is. I think surrounding myself with people who I realize know many things I do not (which is reality, is everyone) has helped a lot with this. That being said, this article gives a great idea that I never thought of. Thank you!
For anyone who isn't afraid to do the heavy lifting required to actually know themselves the following book is a Must Read:
"Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child" by John Bradshaw. You can get it at Amazon here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553353896/qid=932763807/sr=1-1/002-3033202-7826635
I love to compare myself to the best out there, because it always makes me feel like a beginner. For example, I've snowboarded for 6 years, yet whenever people ask I respond I'm a beginner. Because I picture an expert, like Sean White, and know that compared to him I am an absolute beginner. Same with my company - we do around $5 million in sales, which is tiny when compared to GE, Microsoft, or any of thousands of real companies.
Oh Derek how could you,...
" For most of my life, feeling above-average served me well. Right now, feeling below-average is working better. Maybe it's a focus of doing versus learning? -- Derek"
one can not choose to be humble or arrogant when it suits them,.. that is simply self manipulation and a falsehood to both you and others around you.
to further present this as a good idea "even well intentioned" is to offer worse then bad advice to people that mistake your results of personal advantage through manipulation of self and others as acceptable.
I have whispered of humility and the true meaning of being humble to you in a story ,.. you dismissed it.
I have had private conversations with you using mr jobs as an example,.. you completely missed it.
I have even gone so far as to point out directly to you in terms of your own personal history,..and said plainly " FIND YOUR HUMILITY "
and you made excuses and in the worst act of arrogance possible declared yourself humble,..
now in the spirit of true friendship I publicly slap your face and say simply "wake up derek" , you have great potential but you are both blind and deaf to any semblance of the true meaning of the word humility!
forgive me my friend for my harshness,.. but i REFUSE to give up on you and allow you to delude yourself and now others
.
Find your humility , find your greatness.
p.s.
even if you hated me more then any man on earth , if i could only open your eyes for a fleeting moment , I would do so.
J.
From now on, I'm a beginner.
Omg I cannot agree more than you!!! Ever since I was small, because of things like standardized testing, etc., I was told that I was "gifted", and I was put into "academically accelerated" classes. Even now, I go to a high school for the "academically gifted." However, I oftentimes don't feel so gifted and above average; at times I feel lesser not only because of the other genius kids around me, but because I realize that there are more things out there that I have not been able to perceive simply because I thought that I was already seeing everything. But that wasn't, and isn't, the case at all. I'm so glad you put things this way, it makes SO MUCH SENSE. =)
I like this mentality. However, I have found that asking questions in some industries seems to be frowned upon. Specifically, the entertainment industry, where everyone is supposed to know everything and questions make you seem like you don't know what someone wants OR their terminology is different from yours.
its definitely an aid to present moment awareness and being humble., i think that without a doubt keeps us vigilant and egos at bay.., great article. Thanks
Jo
Derek
I think that there is a fundamental distinction that got overlooked in the article or the underlying statistics.
The distinction is between a persona's POTENTIAL and their "output or "realized results" (call it what you will).
Some people answering the survey were speaking to their potential, and others to their actual success in life. The statistics confuse 2 quite different things, and so do your comments about assuming you are blow average.
You listed some benefits of thinking that you are below average:
1) "I listen more.
2) I ask a lot of questions.
3) I've stopped thinking others are stupid.
4) I assume most people are smarter than me."
So my question is: was it necessary for you to assume you were below average in POTENTIAL or in what you'd achieved?
You seem to be implying the former, but I'd strongly argue it's the latter that's helpful.
Convincing yourself that you are below average in potential is like programming yourself for low self-esteem or self-worth. That's a recipe for disaster.
But convincing yourself that you are very high in UNREALIZED potential (even if untrue) - that can lead to all the results you have described.
I speak from a perspective of working as a personal development coach / counsellor. I spend such a lot of time trying to help people see their potential. In fact I would think it a good thing if 100% of people believed they were capable of being "Great/ brilliant / head of the class /etc."
All these positive thinking people would then outperform those with greater potential who don't believe in themselves.
I know that I have been accused of great ego as well as being praised for humility. Both ends of the spectrum without changing what I knew my potential is. All that changed is how I measured my output/success/results.
For instance moving from academia (head of the class) to the corporate world (bottom of the ladder) didn't change my potential but it was a huge shift in how I measured my success. I therefore went from being arrogant to eating humble pie - overnight. Yet if you'd asked me to measure my potential it was unchanged.
Hope this distinction provides some clarity.
best wishes
Simon
Brilliant. I totally agree. We need to open our minds to others. Many times you not agree with others, but in some cases you discover a valid and different point of view that you never considered.
... and realize this: being better personas makes us climb higher above the average
Thank you!! Finally, somebody who understands that we are so easily hindered by how we assume others are perceiving us. Wow how many times have I told somebody they are only being held back because of what they "Think" people will say if they do something. Thank you for bringing this point to light, it is something that we all can learn from and need to remember when making decisions for us, remember that its not what others think but what we want.
I think we need to work this in with self esteem, which is so important. I like to blend it in this way - I believe I am near best in the world at my job, which I do intensely, but for everything else, I am very humble and difer to others when I need to. You need to believe you're great at something, but it's important to know that you're not at great at *everything*, too.
This is a great post. You have intuitively touched on something that is the building block of true success: humility.
I struggle a lot myself with this. My mind always finds a way to feel superior to others. It really is a pain in the ass sometimes.
Humbleness is a far nicer energy than arrogance. I think impatience can also be mistaken for arrogance. I often get frustrated/impatient with myself and will miss really listening. I appreciate the different perspective. Thanks for the post, Derek!
I believe I'm smarter than average, so I assume I can do things others apparently can not. This causes me to bite off more than I can chew. Examples:
* In my business: "Everybody's making their web apps in Ruby / Python / PHP, but I will do it in Java because I am really good, and I don't need the productivity boost of scripting languages."
* At my day job: "I can procrastinate on work, unlike all my colleagues, because, being so brilliant, I can always work fast later and catch up with them."
Over the years, this attitude has landed me in a lot of trouble. Unfinished projects, delayed and poor quality work, etc.
After reading your article, I realized that had I not been convinced of my "smartness", I would not have created difficult burdens / situations for myself, and would've achieved a lot more than I have.
Thanks for this great article!
This was bookmarked half-way through reading it :P.
Can you link us to the studies that came up with the statistics you have referenced?
I've heard them quoted a few different places. Google and ye shall find. -- Derek
Oh man! I wish I had learned this before.
So that's the big problem with me. I couldn't articulate it well. Thankfully, this article did it for me.
I actually achieved less things because I feel that I'm already successful so I chill out and relax all the time.
Thanks a lot Derek.
really interesting comments - many Australians seriously underrate themselves as it's culturally unacceptable to think or act like you're a cut above the rest - fairness and equality is the name of the game. But it seems underrating yourself, as opposed to possessing genuine humility, can lead to the same thing as overrating yourself.
Just read your first book and can't wait to lend it to my friends in music performing and teaching - finally some business advice that speaks our language.....soooooo inspiring!
But I can bend spoons with my mind!
I love this premise. It really is a win win.
Not fluffing up your own state of mind and accepting mediocrity creates an acute willingness, proclivity for growth, and motivation.
Shit looks like I'm pretty average/below average now!
Very true. I always admire the people that don't care what others think. They are the people that act first and ask questions later. Sometimes I worry too much about what others think, but you actually take that first step, and as others said, you are confident, great things come.